|He perfected the Dreamworks face before Dreamworks even started making CGI films.|
And ironically, now I'm on Team Mario as far as mascot platformer games are concerned and honestly don't give a crap whenever a Sonic game comes out now. Suck on that, 16-bit console wars!
But let's suppose, for a second, that instead of talking about a video game that everybody with a Genesis loved and cherished as a kid (Sonic the Hedgehog) or a video game that, while isn't very well-known, is at least extremely imaginative in its design and offers games that remain very solid examples of the platformer genre (Rayman), I'm going to talk about the only video game that both managed to both appear on the Wiki page innocently titled "List of video games notable for negative reception" and managed to get his own pilot. Bubsy the Bobcat.
|Unpopular opinion time. I actually like this game.|
And yet out of all of those games, some much more deserving of a cartoon than Bubsy (I would personally watch the hell out of a Dynamite Headdy cartoon), Bubsy was the one that got the deal. The only reason people are even aware that this cartoon actually existed is, like me, they were bored one day, searched "Bubsy the Bobcat" on Wikipedia and YouTube, and this lonely pilot turned up. Yes, my mind was blown when I saw that Bubsy had at one point been animated by poor employees just looking for a paycheck. Therefore, I had to talk about it.
Now, even if you're a poor naive fool like me and honestly enjoyed Bubsy's games and start thinking that, hey, since the games were cartoony, this is going to lend itself to some good animation, there is one thing that assures me that this is going to be a pile of crap right off the bat. The cartoon is animated by none other than Calico Creations, the sick assholes responsible for Widget the World Watcher.
Availability: Online Only
Even though this abomination of ink and paint only aired once and then was never seen again, Bubsy: The Animated Series managed to have its own intro. And let me tell you, it's hard to talk about what just happened before my eyes in a manner that's polite and full of just and fair criticism (although watch as I discard that in a moment) instead of switching to the alternate, which would be screaming in rage and agony while declaring this the worst possible thing in existence. Without hyperbole, this intro, this bloody stool sample of an intro, is probably the main reason this pilot didn't do too well, because people with brains turned this channel off lest it infect their entertainment systems with an STD. It's safe to say that I have yet to run into an intro sequence as obnoxious as this one. This is the kind of crap you would play if you wanted to give your aging television set euthanasia.
Think I'm exaggerating? This cartoon starts with Bubsy waking up in his bed and making out with an alarm clock that looks like him while electric guitars blare in the background. Normally, when someone writes something this glaringly "hip" and "extreme", it's usually done in a satiric manner.
|Bubsy really needs a girlfriend.|
So, in other words, our hero's main character traits is that he's egotistical and radically impulsive. Am I supposed to be rooting for this guy? He's an asshole! At least with Sonic, he was also saving the planet while he was mocking people for being "slo-mos".
|I hate to see how Bubsy wipes his ass if this is a viable method for brushing his teeth.|
But mostly I'm mad that this intro is NOT a remix of the main theme from the video game. The game actually had good music (and that's the one thing people critically praise about the first game) and the producers are not even going to include it in the cartoon adaptation? What the hell is wrong with them?
|That cactus lamp looks incredibly impractical. What if it's dark and you're trying to switch that thing on?|
In fact, save for it being in the past tense, that's exactly what the pilot is called! Dear god, that was everybody's excuse when they were making this, wasn't it?
|Totally digging the Curlz/Jokerman hybrid font there. It gives this cartoon a touch of class.|
Hell, while I'm at it, how old is Bubsy? Sonic in most incantations is a teenager, but that makes sense because he isn't living in an abstract structure that looks like a city's art museum! Does Bubsy have a job? Come on, cartoon, tell me! Flesh these characters out, for the love of god!
|At least the house fits the owner in terms of taste and obnoxiousness.|
...well. That's a grim way to start the show. Armadillos turning into road kill is a very real occurrence, and it only gets even scarier when you realize that the armadillos in this universe (which is populated by funny talking animals like Bubsy) are perfectly sentient and yet semis are still mercilessly killing them. Imagine in our world if there was a particular demographic of people that semis were killing on a routine basis and this was turned into a gag. This isn't funny; this is terrifying!
I also always wondered if Arnold being blue was a subtle jab at Sonic's direction. I say "subtle" because there's an 80% chance that the animators just chose that color without making the connection and I'm reading way too much into it.
|Autobots are the armadillos' natural predator.|
Since I'm noting voice actors throughout this thing, Pat Fraley is Arnold. This is as heartbreaking than Rob Paulsen being Bubsy because Pat Fraley is another talented voiceactor that really shouldn't be in this. Because of his contribution, Arnold sounds a little like a young version of Burne Thompson from the 1987 version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And let me tell you, it is extremely odd to hear April O'Neil's boss's voice come out of a blue armadillo.
Now I kind of feel bad for making a joke about a Scrooge McBobcat now, because if you've grown up on the Disney afternoon, you should be rolling your eyes right about now. Yes, this show had enough balls to include nephews, in a world where DuckTales has already been established as a quintessential Saturday morning cartoon series. Man, the creativity is just so overwhelming!
|Also they're the most godawful-looking things I've ever seen in a cartoon.|
This scene also leads me to question Arnold and Bubsy's relationship. Arnold's attitude shows that he doesn't like hanging out with Bubsy, so it's obvious that they're not friends in any way. Is Arnold his pet? He isn't wearing any clothes and seems to live in Bubsy's house, but he has the same amount of intelligence as his master. Is it legal for bobcats to own armadillos as slaves? Is there going to be an armadillo civil rights movement in this world soon?
And yes, I know griping about the inconsistency of the world building in Bubsy the Bobcat is like dropping an atomic bomb on fish in a barrel, but still...
|And Bubsy owns a basketball hoop in his house, because he's X-TREME!|
But then it becomes really unsettling when the truck from Arnold's dream appears on the television. Wait a second. That armadillo-murdering machine actually exists and no one's arrested the driver for being a horrible serial killer yet? Holy crap, dude. Thanks to this broadcast, I'd rather watch a cartoon about some insane truck driver that has to run over every armadillo he sees in order to satiate his incurable bloodlust than what I'm about to watch now.
|Man, this world has a strangest hatred for insectivores.|
After the news report talks about dying armadillos for no real reason, it then talks about some nerd named Virgil Reality, who somehow invented a helmet that can turn your imagination into reality. Get it? Virgil Reality? With such high-grade writing, I'm honestly surprised that this didn't get picked up for a series.
Also, what kind of news station will report a story on armadillo genocide and then follow it up with wacky inventions? That seems like such a random structure to a broadcast. "And after you dwell on these helpless animals getting slaughtered, here's a nerd in bright green suspenders. Hilarity!"
|He also has strange, misshapen ears, because nerds love plastic surgery.|
I also have no idea what the hell Virgil's supposed to be. His hairstyle combined with his body suggests hedgehog, but he also looks kind of like a rat, what with his buck teeth and the fact that he looks kind of like pre-accident Megavolt from Darkwing Duck.
...man, do I wish I was watching a TMNT/Darkwing Duck crossover right about now.
|"This device is just like the device Spock used in the 55th episode of Star Trek: TNG, but only in the extended director's cut of that episode, because the scene he used it in had to be cut for syndication. Any REAL fan would know that!"|
Oh, and don't get curious about the white, creepily-designed cat to Virgil's left. She has no personality whatsoever. Hell, I don't think she even has a name. She's just there to have breasts in an otherwise male-dominated cartoon.
|"Notice how my assistant here has grotesque, hideously swollen eyeballs. |
That is but one of the major side-effects caused by my helmet."
And to think, this was supposed to kick off a franchise. If anything, this is making me hate a character that I was previously indifferent to.
|"I'm not a wimp! I'm a jerk!"|
I'm not kidding about the stock footage, by the way. In order to give the meaning behind the words "where no bobcat has gone before" (gotta love the originality of this writing) some extra punch, we honest to god cut to footage of the moon landing while random cat sound effects are inserted. I'm guessing this was supposed to be the show's main gimmick, Bubsy's main punchline, the thing that would set him apart from Sonic and Mario. Too bad it really isn't funny and, if anything, makes you just want to watch black and white footage from the 1960's over this.
|Somehow these two are related. Or Bubsy's an egotistical asshole. Either or.|
I should probably talk about our main adversary for a second here. The villain, which is a rich, spoiled cat woman named Ally Cassandra, is actually not in any of the games. It's a really strange decision to make TV exclusive antagonists since I clearly remember the games having villains that would've been a lot more interesting than what we got here. The first game had the Woolies, race of bird-like aliens that steal fabric and yarn balls, and the second game had some giant pig scientist named Oinker P. Hamm. Neither of those are amazing concepts either, but you'll be wishing you were watching some pig named Oinker over her because Ally Cassandra is an absolute snoozefest. All you have to do is take a look at her character design once and you'll know everything there is to know about her deep, enriching backstory. As in, she has none.
|"As my mom always said, why use just one villain cliche when you can use them all?"|
Also, there's a weird thing about this scene. While Buzz is talking about his spoiled dish, which probably consisted of roadkill and dessicated corpses he found lying outside the desert, the shrew is clearly moving his lips and going through the same gestures too. Problem is, you only hear Buzz talking. Animation glitch, deleted dialogue at the last moment, or is this supposed to be a subtle quirk that the shrew had? Or is the shrew mocking Buzz?
|Not that you really need to do much to mock this guy, mind.|
What's Sid's personality? Why, he's hungry and he talks really fast. Because he's a shrew. Ha ha, animal stereotypes! And what is the deal with lines at the DMV?
|Okay, Buzz and Ally have natural colorations. Why the hell is Sid purple...?|
The only thing that made this scene worthwhile was the part where Ally approaches a mirror and pictures herself as frighteningly anorexic. I guess giving our feline antagonist Body Dysmorphic Disorder makes her a lot more interesting, cartoon. I can buy it.
|Bubsy is clearly trying to appeal to the Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats fanbase.|
And there's a running gag where both Virgil Reality and that weird, big-eyed cat assistant he has calls Bubsy a different name. Besides the parts where someone calls him "Booby" without getting the censors on Calico Creations's ass, it's really not that funny, considering "Bubsy" is only a two syllable name. I really don't see why it would be so hard to remember. This is an era where kids were able to tell which ninja turtle was named Michelangelo and which one was named Donatello. Bubsy is nothing!
But in all seriousness, that girl cat's pupils are freaking me the hell out.
|"Please tell me you're not the designated love interest in this cartoon. Even I can do better!"|
But instead, Virgil, too much of a dumbass to realize just what exactly he invented, just hands over his precious scientific marvel over to a complete stranger and gives only one warning. You have to be very specific about your thoughts. Personally, if I were Virgil, I would also add things like "Don't wish that you're God", "Don't wish that the Earth would explode", or "Don't wish for some terrible monster to arise from the cold murky depths of the Antarctic Sea and enslave all of mankind". I mean, that's some serious power they just handed over to this mere mortal. What if Bubsy decided he wanted Hitler to come back from the dead?
Oh, and he said "What can possibly go wrong?" before activating the helmet. Because Bubsy hates you.
|"Finally, I have the power to smite my enemies! Their blood shall stain my fingertips! |
I will bask in the beauty that is their last, gasping breaths! Hail Bubsy!"
...um. Irritating Sonic Ripoff said "I want to fly". I. How does this translate to "I want everyone in the room including myself to be plummeting through the air to our certain death", helmet? I understand that Bubsy was not specific, but there's no reason for everyone else to be involved. This is the worst invention ever!
|"Yes! My wish to commit a unique form of murder-suicide is working!"|
...or at least the people that Loudmouth VonAnnoyingCatchphrase likes are saved. Arnold gets to crash through the roof. Wait a second, all of that freaking out and screaming and it turns out the fall wasn't even lethal? What the hell?
But I guess it's better that this cartoon relies on cartoon physics, considering Bubsy decided he was going to be so mean that he wasn't even going to teleport his own sidekick to safety. Again, this is the hero of our story, the person who keeps insisting that he's a heroic adventurer. He likes inflicting pain on his best friend for kicks and he won't even save them when they're falling to their deaths. Heroism!
|Did an armadillo kill the writer's mother or something? |
This cartoon seems pretty hateful towards this one species...
And I hate to bring up the rash again, but I can't help but wonder if there's a correlation between that and the personality-less bimbo that's constantly hanging around Virgil. Come on, you can't seriously be telling me she's there as a lab assistant. Even if his name is one letter away from "virgin", he's totally taping that.
|Which of these men has more dignity? The answer may surprise you.|
And why did Virgil design his helmet so that one eyepiece was shaped like a square? Nothing makes sense anymore...
|Their eyes are larger than their bodies.|
But I will give one compliment to this cartoon. The animals they use for their cast are nothing short of unique. Name one other show that has a buzzard, a shrew, an armadillo, a bobcat, a whatever the hell Virgil is, and a soul-sucking demon with bone white fur and dilated pupils.
|"I'm telling you Sid, you haven't lived until you eaten the eyeballs of a rabbit that's been dead for at least three days."|
Uh, that's not how metabolism works. Although it is kind of clever that one of the villains is perpetually starving to death (although The Mask: The Animated Series did that concept a lot better), forever driven insane by his constant hunger and having to constantly stuff things like stale corn dogs and bees into his gaping maw in order to keep his stomachbeast satisfied. Sid's will is not his own. That's pretty dark.
You know what else is dark? The fact that, in close-ups, you can see that there's a bite mark in Sid's shirt and his tail is broken. At one point in his life, Sid was so desperately hungry that he tried eating himself. Holy crap.
|"Attack of the Killer Shrews was a gross misrepresentation of my people!"|
At that instant, something wonderful and beautiful happens. Buzz, noticing that Bubsy really isn't doing his job, decides that he's going to be the real hero of the show when he imagines the two kids as dinner. Yes, my friends. In a world of sentient animals, it's still perfectly okay to cannibalize animals lower than you on the food chain. This universe is amazing.
Oddly, this is pretty accurate to real life. Bobcat kittens do get preyed on by predatory birds. Course, in real life, none of these animals can make bad jokes involving magical helmets and the bobcats don't have eyeballs bigger than their torso, but now you're just being picky.
|Mmm, can I get this with a Gex sandwich and a sideorder of Duke Nukem luncheon meat?|
|God hates shrews, apparently.|
This far into the cartoon, you can probably guess my main beef with this cartoon. The characters talk way too damn much. Now, I'm a fan of good dialogue, and I love a cartoon that has soulbreaking soliloquies about the deep torment nestled within the hearts of man, but not when the cartoon presents itself as something more lighthearted and slapstick-y and could just let the animation do the explaining! It's like if, in the Looney Tunes cartoons, Bugs Bunny had to stop every five seconds and talk about his traps. "See, by saying Rabbit Season instead of Duck Season, I confused my rival! I'm a rabbit!" Imagine sitting through that. That's exactly what I'm sitting through. I've lost the ability to hope.
...oh, fine. The cartoon. Moving on...
|"Don't ask why I'm able to wear this fetching vest and yet I can't find a decent pair of pants. |
The ways of the majestic buzzard are an enigma."
|Who cares about the implications? Roller coasters!|
And, since I'm sure you give such a crap about this character, it is here that we learn that the big-eyed cat's name is Oblivia, which sounds like a way better villain name than "Ally Cassandra". I'm guessing some name tags got misplaced while the designers were drawing up the character models. You know, assuming that they actually used character models instead of telling the sweatshops in Korea to somehow draw a white persian cat suffering from Keratitis.
I'm also kind of curious as to what that machine in the back with the arc of electricity is meant to do. Since Virgil can invent a helmet that can essentially play God, I'm guessing that thing's a perpetual motion machine or the only calculator that can divide by zero.
|"And so then I told my doctor that my rectal bleeding only occurs when I eat a certain type of cereal, |
which seems like the weirdest thing in the world but is apparently perfectly natural..."
Or, at least, it should've been a fart joke, but judging by the position of Bubsy's hands and how he's swaying back and forth, this line was redubbed so that it'd be more fit for all age audiences.
|They say that you'll go blind |
And your ruining your health
But how can anybody love anyone in this crazy world
If you can't love yourself?
Truly Virgil's invention has brought good to the world!
|So...has the artist ever seen an actual roller coaster before?|
Also, I know the twins are idiots and not at all likeable, but he's not seriously implying that soon one of them's going to grow bored and wish that the world would blow up, right? I understand that the helmet is essentially the most powerful thing ever created by mankind, but the only way the world would be threatened is if the person wearing the helmet wished it to be so. Sure, the twins made a roller coaster out of a city, but that's entirely different from complete annihilation.
|"Sorry I couldn't stop this roller coaster sooner, but there was trouble at the lab with the running |
and the exploding and the crying when the monkeys stole the glasses off my head. Glayven!"
...well, now. Somehow this makes Bubsy more appealing. He completely ignores the wide-eyed hobgoblin clearly designed to be a love interest in favor of Virgil. This is breaking new ground! Our first wacky, hip, video game platformer mascot with attitude that has a different sexual orientation other than heterosexual.
And thanks to this scene, I now ship it and want fanfics. Hope you're happy, cartoon.
|"You don't need a helmet to make my dreams come true, sailor."|
You gotta love how, after Bubsy says his mind-numbing catchphrase, he demonstrates just how much the animators get foreshortening. I'm enjoying how Bubsy somehow managed to turn into a living bobblehead in this scene. Art is hard!
|Holy wonky perspective there, Batman.|
|Oh my God, it's full of stars!|
I also want to know how Bubsy's genitalia fared during that trip. I know mascots with attitude don't typically wear pants but they probably would've done Bubsy some good here.
|"I don't know how I'm still alive!"|
I know it's kind of pathetic for me, the simple writer of this blog, to be absolutely disgusted with what are essentially kittens, but at this point, I actually agreed with Arnold when he told them that they should go to jail, even though he was using hyperbole. If you stare that the bobcat twins for too long, you'll actually receive a prophetic vision of you killing the person in your life that you love the most. True story.
|I love that there are characters in this universe that are so annoying that even Bubsy can't put up with them.|
...wow. I guess it is possible to write a paragraph that doesn't make any goddamn sense despite using actual words in the English language.
Also, my question is, where in god's name did Bubsy get a corn dog packed with explosives? We didn't see him use the universe-altering helmet in order to make it pop into existence, so that can only mean that our hero honest to god carries stale corn dogs around in his pockets with fuses hanging out of them in hopes that he'll run into villains that can be easily bribed with food. What the hell am I watching? I think it's giving my electronic devices a severe mental illness.
|eBay in a nutshell.|
But it's all worth it, because my favorite scene in this entire pilot happens next. While the heroes are lying on the ground in a daze, with both the twins and the helmet missing, Arnold then snaps and starts yelling "What could possibly go wrong? What could possibly go wrong? What could possibly go wrong!?" at Bubsy. That's when I gave this cartoon a standing ovation. I love that Arnold has had it with Bubsy's crap and started calling him out like this. Here's another character that probably would've been a better main lead than our actual main lead.
Also notice that Arnold is now somehow bigger than Bubsy even though previous scenes and later scenes will show Bubsy being able to pick Arnold up. Size consistency is for squares!
|"And while I'm at it, I never liked your video games either! They're frustrating and |
filled with cheap deaths and poorly designed obstacles!"
|I would love to see him drop and break that thing, if only for the reactions on everyone's faces.|
Now, you'd think our main villain having something that can change all of reality would make them just a little bit threatening, but luckily for Bubsy, Ally's the kind of villain who wishes for useless, menial crap like diamond rings and nice leather sofas instead of, oh I don't know, using it to take over the world, maybe? After over two minutes of a speech where she talks about how Virgil Reality's invention will make her the most powerful creature in the universe and she'll finally be the richest kitty in this catatonic town (and yes, they actually use that pun), the worst she does is spontaneously create some diamonds and a television show starring her. That's it. This is the animation equivalent of crushed expectations. Hate to say it, but this makes the Captain Planet villains look downright effective. When Verminous Skumm said he was going to poison all of Brazil with his rat rot, he really meant it.
And it's a little late to be asking this question, but what was the thing that made Ally Cassandra the way she is? Sure, she's not an effective villain, but she's still pretty nasty, if she hires people willing to resort to cannibalism. Did she lose most of her family's fortune and then succumbed to a terrible eating disorder in a hopeless attempt to fill the black void in her heart? What's her story? What's anyone's story, really? For crying out loud, somebody exposition something that actually explains a character's motivations!
|"And then, after I'm done narrating my plan, I'm going to make sure that your death trap |
will be slow and easy to escape from."
Also, this scene makes me question how other carnivores in this show eat. According to this show, all the animals are sentient. We never see Bubsy eat anything, when bobcats are predator animals like buzzards. Does Bubsy ever have to go to some rabbit's house and brutally snap their necks in order to make dinner?
...oh god. What was that corn dog from earlier made out of?
|Buzz really needs to wax his eyebrows.|
I'm sorry, Bubsy, but it's hard to take your little emo session seriously. I just saw a scene where you handed a giant talking shrew an explosive corn dog. I had to sit through not one but two smug and self-satisfied speeches about how great you are while at the same time comparing yourself to the moon landing. You can't seriously be trying to have a moment here where I'm supposed to connect with you and sympathetically feel your pain. It's a bit late for that!
|"I'm going to grab my iPod and listen to Linkin Park now."|
Meanwhile, Oblivia, looking like an odd Garfield mutant, just kind of stands there with half-lidded eyes. Is that supposed to be an expression? Is she reacting to Bubsy's pain or is she just bored? If the bobcat twins didn't exist, I would say she was the worst designed character on this show.
|"Neither of us are in the games!? Then why are we even starring in this pilot for?"|
...why does only Arnold have a bandage over his head? Bubsy was caught in that explosion too!
And why the hell didn't he use that earlier? That should've been his first thought when he saw the helmet went missing!
|"I'm now going to check for polyps in your colon. You might want to bend over."|
...and yes, this actually works. Because everyone in this universe is a massive idiot and to expect more out of the villains is to ask for too much from this production.
|Yeah, why use the impressive scientific tracking device when you can animate |
your main character looking things up in the phone book?
|Ally's about one decade too late for that hairdo.|
I'm also kind of curious as to what the green liquid covering Buzz is made out of, although I'm pretty sure I don't really want to know.
|"And while I'm talking, I might as well point out that the main character of this cartoon is named Bubsy, and his catchphrase is 'What can possibly go wrong?'. Also, Arnold happens to be his sidekick, and he's afraid of trucks!"|
...can't argue with that logic.
|"Or, you know, I could use this helmet to turn Bubsy into a pile of ash or something, but where's the fun in that?"|
...or Bubsy will just say that he's going to "humble" an overweight women with a bad taste in haircuts while the rest of his friends just kind of stand off to the side and take up space. Whichever works for the animators.
And I hate to point this out, since I've tried to keep my mouth shut about the whole "this franchise is basically a carbon copy of Sonic's franchise in an attempt to steal some of his audience" but in some scenes, Bubsy's eyes really look remarkably similar to Sonic's. All you have to do is erase a line.
|"Funniest thing is, this won't even be the lowest point in my career! I still have Bubsy 3D to star in!"|
...but I can't hate on the chalkboard too much, because it gives Oblivia her one good moment, because she, after making a statement on her attractiveness and intelligence, actually takes the chalkboard and uses it to attack the main villain. Okay, gotta give credit where credit is due. This was actually pretty funny. See? This is how you set up cartoon violence, Calico Creations! I'm glad you actually remembered!
|Ladies and gentlemen, the reason why Oblivia exists.|
Possibly because the cartoon's running low on its allocated budget, none of the characters create any drastic changes to the environment around them either. We're not going to see anymore nightmarish landscapes coated with twisted roller coasters that would not exist in a sane world. Instead, we're confined to Ally's mansion (and we never actually saw the design of her house, come to think of it) and we get things like corn dogs and birthday cake. I hate everything.
And man, I know I shouldn't complain about the imaginations of these characters, but did Sid seriously only wish for one corn dog? He's been established as a big eater! It'd make way more sense if everyone suddenly drowned in a literal ocean of corn dogs.
|Here's another character that would make a much better main lead than Bubsy.|
...okay then. Way for that pairing to come out of nowhere, animators. Oblivia and Bubsy barely shared any conversations with each other (and none of them contained any flirtation or, hell, any positive emotions beyond mild pleasantness) and yet we're supposed to believe that Oblivia's biggest wish is that she wants to become Mrs. Bobcat. Yeah, not buying it. She had way more chemistry with Virgil.
To this show's credit, Bubsy is pretty pissed by this whole thing and doesn't succumb to random love interest syndrome. I guess it's because it's been pretty established that Bubsy likes men. Come on, we all saw what he was doing to Virgil earlier, and that's not even getting into his strange sadomasochistic relationship with his armadillo sidekick.
|"I want a divorce!"|
Random, but now I'm kind of pissed that all of the characters got to use the helmet except for Virgil, who is by far the most bearable character in this entire pilot. What does he want more than anything in the world? I demand closure!
|"How do you even put up with this man on a daily basis? He's only said |
'What can possibly go wrong?' twice and already I want to kill myself."
|I see Bubsy got a mind evaporator from Art Carney as a Life Day present.|
Also, I want my money back. I don't care if this broadcast is technically free. I want someone to pay for the irreversible trauma this special has caused.
You also gotta love how, even though Bubsy is a video game star and has things like a proton gun and the ability to shoot atoms at enemies, he never actually uses any of those powers in a way that makes for a thrilling conclusion. Instead, the magic helmet takes care of the job. Helmets! They solve your weakly written plot's conflicts without any exciting action! Guaranteed!
And, just in case you were wondering if Bubsy had any redeemable qualities, he has to go through great lengths to say that the day was saved because he's a hero for crying out loud (and after sitting through this, his hero status is really goddamn debatable), and that the very people of the universe should be thanking him for outsmarting a hungry shrew, a snobby buzzard, and a worthless piece of blubber who can't stop talking for two seconds in order to actually do anything. I see somebody has a superiority complex they need to sort out.
As you can probably tell, this ending is really disappointing, even when it's attached to a pilot as weak as this. If anything, I feel like apologizing for DiC Entertainment for making fun of Street Sharks. Goofy as they may be, they at least managed to at least have action in their episodes' climaxes.
|"You can’t process me with a normal brain."|
Guess what Bubsy's response to that was. If you guess anything other than "What can possibly go wrong?", you're obviously not paying attention, or expect way too much from this cartoon.
|"Hmmm...listen to the scientist who created this helmet, or do something radically dangerous and stupid? Choices!"|
...and tell me why Arnold deserved to get electrocuted alongside Bubsy again, cartoon. You really gotta stop on the random armadillo hate. It's making your production look terribly bigoted.
So that was Bubsy, the delightful hidden gem that I kind of wish stayed hidden. I can't apologize enough to people who made it this far for this post. I just felt that if I could share some of my misery, it would cure me of the bobcat-infested nightmares I've been having for the last couple of days.
But before I conclude this post, I'll just leave you with the cast of voice actors.
|JIMMY Cummings? JIMMY!?|
The Moral of this Cartoon
What can possibly go wrong? Everything.
*Virgil is hilarious, even if he is a stereotypical nerd type character meant to make Bubsy look cool.
*The voice-acting is top notch.
*Buzz the buzzard was also funny, even if he did a lot of joke-explaining.
*Arnold was sort of likeable I guess.
*...uh, the backgrounds sometimes were kind of nice?
*Really reaching here, but the music was not annoying and decently faded into the background where it belonged.
*Man, can this cartoon drag. One of the biggest rules of comedy is "Don't explain the joke" and Bubsy shattered this rule into a million pieces while explaining that he, in fact, shattered this rule into a million pieces. Not only that, but there was exposition everywhere, to the point where it really wasn't needed. There's insulting my intelligence and then assuming I'm so stupid I can't even count to three. The cartoon does the latter.
*Half the jokes fell flat. Mispronouncing someone's name as a running gag isn't exactly the most side-splitting thing in existence, and neither is the fact that a shrew is hungry. This only got worse once the characters started explaining the jokes.
*The animation is incredibly lackluster at best and can be pretty strange. Slightly better than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog at times, but that's not really a high bar to conquer.
*The twins. Good god. I hate everything about these characters.
*The villains aren't that interesting. I say that including Buzz, because it feels that he largely didn't need to be there. But come on, are you seriously going to open up a metaphorical show with someone like Ally Cassandra, a character so bland that I kept forgetting she was even in the cartoon half the time?
*"What can possibly go wrong!?" is said over twelve times in this pilot. Twelve times. My soul has scars that will never heal.
*Bubsy is an obnoxious asshole and I wish he was suffering from terminal cancer.
*Wanton physical abuse to armadillos isn't really that funny so much as it cruel.
*This show managed to waste the talents of Jim Cummings.
*The helmet was a pretty stupid plot device and kind of consumed the entire plot.
*The plot was really boring.
*It's a cartoon about a early 90's mascot that has been long since forgotten and therefore it really says it all.
The Final Decision
This was worse than a truck.
If I could describe this pilot in one word, it would be this: annoying.
As you can probably tell from how I wrote this post, this was personally very painful to sit through. This wasn't as bad as the episode of Widget the World Watcher that I saw, but it's pretty up there. The jokes are bad, most of the cast is bad, the main character wears on your nerves, the plot is annoying, the conflict is nonexistent, and all around you leave this experience with odd, hollow feeling inside. This is an utter failure at appealing to a hip, attitude-filled demographic on a global scale, and future cartoons should study this pilot as an example of what not to do.
Not much more to say, other than this was a terrible cartoon and the people responsible for making this should feel bad for being a part of this abomination's creation. Save for some minor good things (Virgil) and some honestly good jokes (the chalkboard), I pretty much was irritated the entire way through.
But hey, what can you expect? They made a cartoon about goddamn Bubsy the freaking Bobcat. Of course that's going to go wrong!