Friday, September 30, 2011

Fluppy Dogs - Part 2 (Final Part)

Part 1

Hey, guys! You know what's awesome? Prismatic canines that have a magic key that can open doors to other dimensions.
"We'll acknowledge Atlantis: Milo's Return and Belle's Magical World but not this."
That's right, today I'm going to tackle the second and final half of Fluppy Dogs, closing the book (at least until I find another one that did just as badly) on forgotten Disney specials that failed miserably in the ratings. So far, this strange special has brought flying beds, dogs that are supposedly not dogs but just look like dogs and happen to be called dogs, a villain that feels like he should be hanging out in France and attacking cursed princes in enchanted castles, and a really cool idea that's somehow buried underneath all of this. The first half set the whole story up, and now the second half is where we'll get to see some action.

But all in all, there's not much more to say about the Fluppy Dogs, cute as they may be, that hasn't already been said in Part 1, so I'm just going to use this space to inform the readers that, as always, start with Part 1 first. Because I'm not responsible for breaking your brain if you enter Part 2 unprepared.

Time to once again touch upon the piece of animation Disney likes to pretend doesn't exist (on account they forgot it exists), this is...

Fluppy Dogs - Part 2

When we last left the Fluppy Dogs, they had stumbled into our world by mistake (like all creatures of this nature are wont to do) after deploying a magic key that can open doors through time and space. They found out that the human world is a strange place full of food marts, moving vehicles, and rich jerks, and they were quickly captured by animal control because they and their alien technology was no match for human ingenuity. While the leader of the dog got adopted by a family of bland and the purple female dog got adopted by a weird neighbor girl, a rich, senior version of Gaston was determined to make the dogs (only they insist they're not really dogs) a part of his collection. Through the use of magic levitating dog ear dust and a bed, the Flups were able to bail the rest out and now they hide out in bland kid's room, ready to regroup and tackle finding their home dimension once more.

In short, this movie really doesn't make much sense and to expect it to start making sense now is giving this way too much credit.

It's now morning, and the lead Fluppy Dog and Jamie are discussing how the cuddly marketable aliens have to leave for their home dimension now that everyone's together. They do this over breakfast, but what's notable about this scene is that Stanley is eating like ten chicken legs while Jamie is settling on some sad looking pieces of bread. I'm sure Jamie's mother was just fine with her son feeding the dog enough leftovers for five people.

Also, wait. Chicken bones? Chicken bones are unsafe to give to a dog! Way to try to kill the closest thing you had to a friend, Jamie!

"I don't think anyone's going to remember me after this special is over."
"That's not true! People still remember Mr. Boogedy, right?"
Since Jamie is all bummed out that he can't keep his magical talking spacedemon that possesses human intelligence and a dimension-hopping key, there's a really weird bonding scene where Jamie gets on all fours and starts eating a chicken leg like a dog, which causes Stanley to join him and for the soundtrack to fill the air with weepy sentimental music. Yeah, sorry, cartoon. This doesn't fill me with fuzzy wuzzies. Not while my mind is currently stuck on "What the hell am I watching?" mode, because what the hell am I watching.

Unfortunately, this bizarre scene doesn't last, because then his mom bursts in and wonders just what the hell is going on. Because come on, wouldn't you? She even examines her son's forehead in case a really high fever causing his strange, animalistic behavior. Yeah, sure, because this happens when I'm sick all the time!

Jamie, please get help. You're endangering your family.
Jamie and his big dumb hat walk outside, where the rest of the Fluppy Dogs emerge from the bushes, surround the bland meatbag in a furry little death hug, and say goodbye to someone who, for a lot of them, barely even interacted with them. Stanley, I can kind of understand being sad (but not really since Stanley only really knew him for two days), but not these guys. Just because he steered a flying bed doesn't make him your friend.

This would also probably be more touching if I didn't know ahead of time that there's more than 20 minutes left in this special. One of the disadvantages of watching something on the Internet, I guess.

Each sold separately.
While sad violins play (I love how over-the-top this special's soundtrack is), we teleport into a standard-looking classroom, where the teacher is being a total dick by singling Jamie out in front of the entire class for incomplete homework. Geez, lady. Who announces who didn't do the homework assignment out loud? I'd understand if it was something worth 25% of the grade, but from the looks of it, it was just a daily assignment. The sheer guilt and child angst in that classroom must be at suffocating highs.

"Sammy, your love letter to Jason has tons of grammar errors. Please see me after class."
While the teacher is embarrassing Jamie in front of all of his peers, a cerulean canine knocks on the window (so did no one else in the entire building see the bipedal dog with the humanoid hands?), prompting Jamie to immediately get up out of his seat and run out of the school. Oh good, give the teacher even more reason to complain about you, Jamie. He ends up outside, where the Fluppies are telling him that they need him to reach a door, which causes Jamie to yell "I can't leave school!".

Uh, Jamie? You sort of already left school. The teacher saw you leave her classroom and everything.

So he runs out of school to meet up with some strangers hiding in the bushes.
That isn't suspicious at all!
One scene cut later (because Jamie can't resist those big puppy-dog eyes) and we find Jamie and the dogs roaming through the streets. Apparently a kid playing hooky with a bunch of filthy animals is such a shocking scene that all of the people on the streets actually stop and stare at Jamie as if he's a strange alien monster. So this is what a utopia looks like; all the crime and degenerate filth has been scrubbed away so the mere thought of a kid breaking the rules is just unbearable.

The dogs, creeped out by this strange bizzaro world where the only form of miscreant behavior is some old guy with a net, lead him to the spot where they can't reach. Apparently the door is underneath the street, leading me to wonder whether doors had to be in open air or if they ever had an instance where it appeared six miles deep within a world's crust.

Also, tunnels underneath a street. You know what that means.

Two seconds later, he was hit by a car.
If you guessed "Jamie and the dogs jump down a manhole because the people next to it aren't doing their jobs and making sure that small children don't fall in", then you're right! Luckily Monotonous Max only slightly bruises his butt instead of, you know, breaking his legs or his spine from a possible several story drop.

By the way, I love how in cartoons, sewers in every city are just easily accessible and open to the public. You'd think there would be health code violations preventing this sort of thing. Human feces are considered bio-hazardous waste for a reason.

On the bright side, if he ends up in mutagen, he'll turn into a giant half-dog hybrid
and become ten times cooler.
But then, the movie realizes that it needs to crank the drama dial a little bit higher on account the only conflict we've had so far is "Will this aging old man adopt them from the pound?" and "Will Jamie get back to school soon?". Randomly, the writers decide to pull a giant turd of a plot point out of their butts by saying that every time the rainbow mongrels use the key, it gets weaker and the doors get harder to open.

Yeah, movie? Just wondering, but why did they wait until now to bring up this plot point? They've opened doors two other times in this movie, and they certainly weren't worried before. Introducing something so important late in the game just feels like a cop-out.

"Aww, my whistle pop's radioactive."
The dogs don't let this bother them too much because this door "could be the one", and then they decide to perform their bizarre occult door-summoning ritual. Since this is the first time the mundane human companion sees them open a cross-dimensional door, we have to see the reaction on his face. And honestly, Jamie's expression is rather disappointing. He looks like he's watching a school bully give the teacher's pet a swirly instead of beholding a mystical door manifesting into his plane of existence. Typical jaded youth, twisted by our modern conveniences.Why, back in my day, we appreciated miracles!

"Oh, dogs magically creating a door out of thin air. That's kind of cool."
What door do they summon? The Gummi Bears door! Aww, I love it when slightly mediocre Disney animation reminds me of Disney animation I'd rather be watching.

Plus, why the hell is that tree bark turquoise? Are there strange azure-colored trees in another world? Man, I'm missing out.
Tippi and the doorknob are making the same expression.
And what's inside this door? A raging tidal wave of death that sweeps them down the sewer pipes, giving them the rare experience of what it's like to be a piece of crap in a modern city's plumbing system. Yes, it turns out the universe decided to troll these determined but homesick animals by having the trans-dimensional door open somewhere underwater, which just opens a bunch of questions in my head.

For starters, what is this world like? Did the door open in the middle of a lake or is there a civilized world covered in 100% water that we'll never get to see thanks to this explosion of fluid? What do the people on the other side of the door feel? Is Jamie going to catch some strange alien disease by swimming around in liquids teeming with bacteria his immune system can't recognize?

...yeah, I should move on before I drive myself crazy.

I bet the workers at the waste treatment plant had loads of fun fishing their corpses out of the filter tank.
While this strange journey into madness is going on, we find Mr. Wagstaff is randomly driving around, on the prowl for cute, adorable animals to cruelly imprison with his state-of-the-art butterfly net he's carting around with him. He's basically showing us to remind us, the audience, that he's still around and didn't do the sensible thing and give up.

I will give the man credit where credit is due. When his rotund, ever-loyal butler points out the strange amount of water pouring out of the manhole, he retorts by saying they're after puppies, not guppies. Ooooh! Sick burn!
"Sir, the sewer pipes are leaking."
"Let the peasants deal with it. They deserve it by being poor."
He continues to order his ever-enduring butler to drive around aimlessly in search for these colorful pooches, burning large quantities of gas. He probably would've continued doing this for hours on end if it weren't for the giant plume of water that shot up into the sky, showering the world with sewer filth, dog hair, and the broken dreams of Disney animators.

And, okay, I'm starting to warm up to Wagstaff. Just because it's just so ridiculous that the moment he sees water shooting out of the street, he orders his butler to park the car (in the middle of the road, no less, blocking traffic) and to grab the nets. For some reason, seeing an old man try to tackle a giant plume of water with a net designed for catching butterflies is freaking hilarious. It's one of those defining moments that will always stick with you throughout your life once your eyes lay witness to it.

Okay, seriously, where the hell is everybody? Where's the traffic? This town is freaking deserted!
There's some slapstick, the Fluppies get away, Wagstaff is degraded as a character, and a manhole cover rains down from the sky and destroys the Wagstaffmobile in one blow. But somehow, none of that is comparable to THIS.

Wow, and right in public too.
After some rather fantastic water-propelled man on man action, we get a very quick scene where Jamie managed to sneak back to his neighborhood and catch Claire just in time for her to help him dry his clothes off. This scene doesn't last too long, but it leads me wondering why his clothes didn't even dry off in the time it took to get from the city to his neighborhood.

...also, I love how upbeat Claire is even though the neighborhood kid is asking her from the bushes to keep watch and make sure his mom doesn't see him strip himself (literally) of the evidence caused by him doing something terribly illegal. She even says "Fantastic!", because hey, talking dogs.

"I should find this creepy that all of you are spying on me, but nah, I'm cool with it."
Back at Rich Asshole Manor, the two occupants are avoiding making eye contact with each other and are pretending that that scarring incident with the overflowing manhole never happened. Wagstaff is chilled to the bone in both mind and body and he has a cold, while the butler (whose name is Hamish, which sounds distinctly butler-y) is being sexually assaulted by that same python he was being nice to earlier.

Wagstaff says that there has to be a better way at catching those sentient beasts, and then immediately he does what else but think up of a better way. Why, offer a reward on the mythical creatures! Of course! Then the commoners will do all the work for him in exchange for a small amount of cash! Ah, the exploitation of a lower class. Always a good plot point for a cartoon.

Oh, and Hamish gets involved in snake bondage. I'm not sure what it is with this character, but he manages to get himself into some pretty kinky situations. It was like Disney realized they didn't put any weird fetishes in this movie (because seriously, browse any Disney forum. Disney's responsible for all that is wrong with the Internet), saw that Hamish was pretty undeveloped, and quickly snuck both this scene and the watersex scene past the censors in hopes of meeting their quota. They didn't, and this is why the movie is not as popular as Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.

"Uh, Mr. Wagstaff? If you find a folder labeled 'Furry porn', it's not mine. Honest."
Before Hamish and Lucy the python can get to second base, we find ourselves looking once more at undefined human characters and dogs of assorted colors. While Jamie's clown ensemble is in the dryer, both him and the dogs sneeze in unison. Turns out all of them have colds, because I guess aliens suffer from colds now or something.

Although honestly, considering all the worlds they've been running through and all of the alien diseases they've been in contact with, the Fluppies should be lucky that they're alive.

You'd think animals that live in a world of snow would be better insulated against water.
But wait! Ozzie the Green smells another door, and it's right in this basement! Ignoring Jamie's complaints on account he's merely a stinky human being they've met just yesterday, the Fluppies quickly flock to the location of the door.

I just want to point out that out of all of the prismatic animals, only the green dog can actually sniff out and pinpoint doors. This will be important later, since this trait and the fact that he's really the most valuable member of the team is basically the story subtly telling us all that Ozzie is going to get himself into trouble. I'm totally calling it right now. Disney's known for leaving anvil-sized plot points scattered throughout their storytelling.
I can just picture Jamie's mom making excuses over her giant pile of newspapers.
Because what if they want to read headlines from 1982?
There's a brief scare where it looks like the key actually lost all of its power (where does that key get its energy anyways?), but then they open another door. And if Jamie's reaction was just merely disappointing, Claire's reaction is downright abysmal. All she does is say "fantastic" and look mildly pleased that some mammals broke all the laws of physics in front of her. Does nothing excite this chick? She sees a bed fly, her dog get up on two legs and talk, and space and time rip itself apart to reveal a completely new world, and all she can say is "Fantastic"? Claire is dead inside. There's no other explanation.

Anyways, they open the door, and it isn't their world. Makes sense, because that would be one boring ending if the dogs just incidentally found the door and went on their merry way, all while Wagstaff ends up killing himself on a hopeless quest of finding magical animals he swore he saw in the streets one day.

They made a game with this portal-jumping concept. I think it's called "Spyro the Dragon".
Yeah, as you imagine, since they opened a door to another world in Jamie's house after he insisted that he didn't want any trouble, this ends with an alien beast inside of Jamie's house. An alien beast that eats a lot of food, can be treated like a pet, and looks silly. At this point, I'm not even surprised that they stooped this low. The weather forecast called for a cliche storm, after all.

Or maybe this is a case of subtle marketing and this beast is really a Hungry Hungry Hippo.
Meet the Falumpus, named because one of the Fluppy Dogs just coined it on the spot. He or she (they never specify its gender) is going to make life very difficult for Jamie.

Since this movie is about as easy to read as a Dr. Suess book, the moment a strange, exotic creature wanders into a child's life, he has to try and hide it from his parent (where the hell is Jamie's dad? Is his mother a single mom?) without looking too suspicious, and right when she leaves to get groceries, the deformed aberration charges up the stairs and into the living room. This leads to some rather expected slapstick involving the objects in Jamie's house nearly getting destroyed.

Furthermore, this is probably a bad sign and reflects on my mentality, but watching this scene doesn't fill me with mystical feelings and childish wonder. Instead I cringe and think about how expensive a piano or sofa is. This scene is really the first time we see a huge portion of where Jamie lives, and it's a really nice house.

Oh, thanks, Falumpus. Do you know how much it costs to buy a grand piano?
Miraculously, even though the Falumpus tumbles over sofas, hits a piano with his giant ass, crashes into the fridge, stumbles over tables, knocks over pottery, and fills the air with banality, nothing gets broken. They even manage to lead the big dumb beast back into the basement without the mother finding out.

Course, when Jamie sees the mess the creature made, his self-esteem just plummets. He knows his mom's going to kill him now. Just like she killed his father.

I can picture his mother now. "Son, you should know better than to allow an earthquake to happen!"
And, since apparently Disney thinks that the audience loves giant scenes involving animals cleaning up, the Fluppy Dogs and their two human amigos have a really long, boring scene together where whistle while they work and clean up the house. I think the problem with this scene is less the fact that the movie is spending a great portion of its time showing a trivial task and more the fact that the soundtrack is really terrible. They could've turned this into a short little song, catchy but sufficiently Disney in its design, but instead I get elevator music filling my speakers, making me feel like I've been put on hold by a major phone company. This is frequently a problem with this movie. The soundtrack just kills it.

But not even mediocre music can hide the part where one of the Pound Puppies Fluppies puts water and soap on his tail and starts scooting around the kitchen on his ass. Because that's just disturbing.

That's not water.
When the house is cleaned up, the fact that they succeeded is just so amazing that the two main Fluppies even hug. Are chores suddenly romantic or something?

"Moving furniture and rearranging picture frames is so arousing!"
Unfortunately, their feel-good session and their happy feelings are interrupted by the mother returning from her grocery shopping right when the teacher calls her and informs her of Jamie cutting school. Wow, impeccable timing by the school board! I bet Jamie wishes they called while she was out shopping.

And man, that teacher must really hate Jamie. First the whole scene with them pointing out his homework and now this. Jamie has made a very powerful enemy. He will rue the day he turned in an incomplete assignment!

"That deadbeat better have my alimony check in the mail or else I'm cutting his visitation."
Jamie's mom calls him to the kitchen and is understandably concerned about her son suddenly turning into a criminal. And, because apparently the animators were asleep at the wheel for this scene, when Jamie vomits out a weak excuse as to why he left school (he says he had some trouble with some kids, and the way his mom dismisses this reflects pretty poorly on how society treats bullying), his mouth remains frozen in the O position. It's really weird, to say the least.
"Mom, I can't help it! The animators made me so indistinct and featureless!"
Also, it's a good thing Jamie's mother likes to watch TV in the kitchen while she unloads her grocery bags, because who else but Wagstaff pops onto the TV, informing the populace that he lost his poor little dog and he will pay five thousand dollars to the person who catches it. You know, even though previous scenes showed that the tiny TV was off. Must be one of those "only turns on when its important to the plot" models.

I love this scene, by the way, just because it's so bizarre and stupid that it practically defies words. Wagstaff is showing us an ink illustration from a book and telling us that this is his dog. And yet everyone (including the mom) falls for this commercial. How dumb is this city?
I bet people assumed that Wagstaff is such a pretentious asshole that he got
a woodcut portrait of his own dog.
Since Wagstaff had just shown that commercial, you'd think that the Fluppy Dogs would do the sensible thing and lie low for a little bit, right? No, because it turns out that in that moment, Ozzie (aka the only one who can sniff out doors and therefore the most valuable member on their team) and the twins (aka the weakest members of the team) have left and are in search of another doorway. Unlike other cartoons where timing is in the heroes' favors, Jamie is all about having rotten luck when it comes to his life.

He also gets chewed out by his mom for wanting to help her with the housework, because kids suddenly taking interest in helping their parents is immediately suspicious. But then again, considering Jamie's behavior earlier, she has plenty of reasons to be concerned.

"Don't worry, son. The psychiatric ward is full of nice people and they'll take care of you."
In a rather bizarre jump, it goes from afternoon to nearly midnight at night when we find Ozzie and the useless Twins scouting the city for a doorway. We find that Gaston's broadcast has done absolutely nothing to advance the plot because they make it to a big public building and there's not one person anywhere trying to catch them for the five thousand dollar reward. Hey, thanks for wasting my time with that pointless scene, cartoon.

And, in a strange turn of events, the door they open turns out to be the right door that leads back home. Well, huh. It's a little early, but I'll buy it.

Here is where we get our first glimpse into the Fluppy Dog world, and I'm a little disappointed. Wagstaff's book mentioned snowy lands and twinkling rainbow lights, and that's literally all they gave us. No dog cities, no amazing Fluppy architecture. Nothing. Just snow, rainbows, and yellow crystals (which I noticed are made from the same material as the key) growing out of the ground. What do the dogs even do in their spare time? Frolicking in the snow must get real old real fast.

Oh good. After they bought that expansion, they can now make it to Outland.
This is both good news and bad news. The good news is that now they know where to go to get back to their world. The bad news is that the universe is a dick and made the door so colorful and blinding that it fills the entire goddamn town with a glow so powerful that I'm surprised people didn't lose their eyesight just by being outside at the wrong time. Okay, why didn't the other doors do this? This seems a little unfair.

As you can imagine, Wagstaff is kind of suspicious about this. Because magical dogs.

And all of that atomic energy released by the magical door ends up leveling the entire city.
Since the Fluppies came from a place of snow and strange lights (aurora borealis, you idiot!), Wagstaff reasons that only the Fluppy Dogs could be behind this. So he decides to suit up, get his nets and...oh geez. I can't believe I'm watching this take place in front of me.

When there's trouble, you call DW!
Yes, apparently Wagstaff can drive a freaking motorcycle. And he looks absolutely insane while driving one too. He's so good at driving a motorcycle that he actually captures a Fluppy. And guess what, he captures Ozzie! His evil laughter piercing the air and his voice filling the world with the fresh scent of ham, Wagstaff raises his face to the heavens and shouts "We captured a Fluppy!" and belts out some decent villain laughter.

I bet he makes this face whenever he uses a snowmobile to make rabbits' hearts explode.
He drives back home to his manor filled with suffering animals, and the twin Fluppies were resourceful enough to follow him and figure out where his hideout is. That's good, except for the part where two dogs were able to run fast enough to keep up with a motorcycle. If they can run fast enough to trail a motorcycle, then how did Ozzie get captured in the first place?

When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls...
Now that Wagstaff possesses a pooch that can speak, he unceremoniously shoves the animal in a cage that's much too small for it and has the balls to demand it to talk to him. Ozzie goes with the dog equivalent of "Me no speakie the English!", which causes our rich asshole to say that doesn't work on him. Oooh, this could lead to a pretty intense interrogation scene, now that one of our heroes is captured by the bad guy and he clearly wants proof of their sentience. Where will this lead?

"Yeah, dog, don't play dumb. I know you're magical because you're green."
But I guess the movie isn't that interested in this plot point because it quickly shifts its attention to the alien and the fact that he's hungry. Thrilling. Not satisfied with nearly destroying all of Jamie's worldly possessions, it suddenly grows so ravenous that both Stanley and Jamie take turns stuff ungodly amounts of vegetable matter into its unforgiving maw in order to keep it satiated.

As you might expect, this draws the attention of Jamie's beleaguered mom, because her son happens to be stupid enough to grab every last vegetable from the fridge and pretend that nothing strange is happening. Jamie would make one crappy ninja if this is the stealthiest he can manage.

At least he's eating healthy.
Jamie gets into trouble with his caregiver on account he's pilfering produce and, while Stanley is learning from the twin dogs (Bink and Dink; I just remembered their names) about the current situation, Jamie's mom starts ranting about how ever since she gave him a bright blue dog of an unidentified breed for his birthday, strange stuff has been happening.

...yeah, lady. No offense, but what the hell did you expect?

"Really, Jamie. If you can't handle a magical, folkloric beast that can speak, then you're
not getting a basilisk for Christmas."
The Fluppy Dogs feel bad that they've kind of landed Jamie into some deep dog crap, so they decide to pester the next best thing; Claire. But, since Claire is a stuck up bint, she says that she's not going to make her bed fly because she doesn't fly in anything that doesn't show movies.

Wow. Their friend has been captured and that's what you tell them? That's cold.

There's a female dog in this screenshot and it's certainly not Tippi...
But then, to save face, she quickly offers for them to take her car. Yeah, okay, Claire. I get that a car is more sensible that flying around on a bed out in public, but why didn't you offer that at the beginning of the conversation? You looked like a jerk with that "I don't fly in anything" line without explaining yourself.

While she drives off with the back of her car inconspicuously stuffed with equipment designed to break into houses (way to not do your job, police), Jamie happens to be doing homework and he just so happens to catch a Fluppy-loaded car filled with action supplies just driving away. Can you imagine if this is the last time we actually saw Jamie? Nothing says "numbnuts" like being left out of a whimsical adventure involving fairy-tale pooches on account you pissed off your parent and you had to do your homework.

"Aww man, I wasn't invited to the big showdown in my own movie! Weak!"
Not wanting to be left out, Jamie decides to one-up his neighbor by upgrading to an epic mount. Yeah, up yours, Claire and your modern mode of transportation! Jamie's got a freaking Falumpus and he's not afraid to use it!

I love how stupid this kid looks on his giant hippo monster, by the way. Here I was, thinking that him and his giant hat couldn't get any dorkier, and yet it's come to this.

"The guys in my guild are going to be soooo jealous!"
While the heroes lead the way into the movie's climax, we find Wagpenis getting more and more pissed off that his prisoner refuses to cooperate. Really, man. Were you expecting the animal you stole away from his friends and then shoved into a tiny bird cage to be supportive of your actions? Were you expecting to just shoot the breeze with this legendary animal?

And, since I have to point this out, the part where Wagstaff goes "That's not an ordinary dog, that is a Fluppy!" is literally the only part besides the glowing key I remember seeing from this movie. It's one of those lines that lingered in my head forever and I couldn't pinpoint where it came from. Something about the way Wagstaff said it burrowed into my five-year-old brain and remained there for years even though I had long dismissed this movie as something I just made up.

Furthermore, it must be tiring to constantly wear a tie. Doesn't Wagstaff ever dress casually?

"Your cuddly adorableness has no effect on me!"
Ozzie still refuses to talk, because Wagstaff is a jerk, so Richy McDouchebag decides to pull out his secret weapon. His giant snake, of course! In order to scare the dog into talking, the old man decides to whip out his snake and shove it right in Ozzie's face.

...and I meant Lucy the python, not whatever the hell you just pictured.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Claire really should've gone with the magical flying bed, because when she pulls her car into Wagstaff's property, he instantly knows that she's there and he spots her cargo of Fluppies. With an excited "More Fluppies!" (god, I love his Fluppy lines), he then decides to prepare "a reception" for his new guests like any decent Bond villain.

I love his telescope too. It really invokes a "Rear Window" feel to this already interesting character. Because hey, if you have enough money to scare the neighbors, by all means.

Ever since that family of reality show supermodels moved in next door, that thing's been seeing a lot of use.
The dogs sneak through the mansion, and we discover that Wagstaff seems to hate the entire animal kingdom because everywhere they turn has some sort of grisly animal trophy or taxidermied animal on display. Because suck it, nature. Mounted bears and big cats dot the rooms, rhino heads hang from the wall, and the carpets are red with the blood of countless animals slaughtered by his hands. I wonder if he also hunts PETA members like in "The Most Dangerous Game".

Nevertheless, the Fluppies press on and ignore these disgusting displays until they discover Ozzie. Oh good, that was easy. This clearly isn't suspicious at all, the fact that they found their friend without running into Wagstaff.

But then, Ozzie screams that it's a trap. I figured as much. What's the trap?

"Run, Stanley! He has shoddy, poorly built animal cages at his disposal!"
 ...Wagstaff sneaking behind them and grabbing them by the scruff of their necks.

Okay. Lame.
So they can talk and have an inter-dimensional key, and yet they're thwarted by an old man. Huh.
But wait, Wagstaff informs everyone. It turns out it was a double trap because, by shouting "It's a trap!" to his friends, Ozzie just revealed to Wagstaff that he can talk. He grabs all three dogs (who don't even try to fight him even though they outnumber him, have tons of sharp teeth in their mouths, and enough brains to figure out how to beat him up) and just shoves them in an animal cage. And then, because he can, he belts out yet another evil laugh. Now here's a man who enjoys his occupation.

"Yes! Fill the room with your rare hatred! It gives me sustenance!"
So what is Wagstaff going to do now that he has intelligent animals that can think and reason behind bars for his amusement? Break out the champagne, of course. Because, in an attempt to add insult to injury, he's going to enjoy their pain and get absolutely wasted right in front of them. What an ass.

"Jeeves, kindly fetch me my booze and pretzels."
Before our loveable villain can hit the bottle, Jamie and his Uglyapus bashes into Old Gaston's manor and causes thousands of dollars in property damage. I love how an unidentified species, one that's rarer than the Fluppy Dogs on account it's never been documented on Earth before, is running through his mansion and yet all Wagstaff can do is react in irritation. What about collecting rare animals for your collection there, Mr. Wagstaff? What's excluding him?

Ugly orange hippo continues smashing through Wagstaff's expensive stuff, and all the villain can muster up the energy for is a very stern power walk. It's a good thing this monster that can bash through solid concrete is afraid of snakes or else he never would've stopped them. snakes even exist in the Falumpus world?

I'm curious about Lucy's backstory, to be honest. Was she always a bad snake or did
Wagstaff warp her fragile, reptilian mind?
With their only weapon gone and with two more Fluppies for his collection, Wagstaff quickly realizes that the ball is in his court, grabs the children by the arms, and orders his butler to call the police and inform them that two bratty little half-pints are trespassing in his mansion.

The funny thing about this? It's completely true. Technically the law is on Wagstaff's side and technically none of his actions in this show (save for stealing a camera and speeding, but minor offenses compared to trespassing and sending a wild animal through someone's house) have been illegal. It's sad that he's capturing Fluppy Dogs, but there's nothing in the law books that says he can't.

I guess Jamie and Claire are breaking the law if you put it that way...
Jamie recognizes this, and the Fluppies tell him to do what Wagstaff says. There's a tearful goodbye scene, the dogs say that it's for the best, and for a brief moment, it looks like this movie is going to end on a sad note, breaking a Disney tradition of having all of the problems magically fixed. Jamie's voice gets all tearful, the dogs apologize for getting him in trouble with his mom, and it looks like the animators knew that this was going to completely bomb because this certainly doesn't leave room for a sequel.

Huh, despite his frailty, his weirdly colored hair, and his dumb ideas, Wagstaff won.

"Don't worry, Jamie. We're bound to outlive this geezer."
...or did he?
Dun dun dunnnn...
Hey, remember that time when Jamie scratched his dog on the head and it caused random crap to levitate?  Notice how nothing's been levitated for a while? Notice how the kids are within arm's reach of the dogs?

...yeah, at this point, it should be pretty clear what's going to happen next, and I'm ashamed that it had to lead to this. Tinkerbell should be angry that they're ripping off the ending of Peter Pan with this stunt.

Also wait. Wagstaff saw the dogs escape on a levitating bed. He seriously didn't remember that incident and wasn't prepared for this magic power? What an idiot!

"Why yes, I'm going to allow the children who hate me to get within arm's reach
of the magical dogs with unexplained powers. I'm a genius!"
 And then, chaos!

Yes, my friends. The dogs' magical sparkly dandruff is lifting an entire portion of the mansion right up into the air. The pixie dust isn't enough to go to full gambit and lift the entire structure off from its foundation, but then again, they were probably on a tight budget with this special.

Again, absolutely no one noticed this. I hate this town and its stupid people.
Oh, and that fat orange hippo thing from earlier? It ends up sitting on Wagstaff while furniture and objects are being shifted around. Because nothing says comedy more than an elderly old man's bones snapping like a bitter twig, am I right?

...and why do I get the feeling that the only reason this orange abomination exists is so there can be a "giant butt crushes the villain" joke?

Stay classy, Disney.
The severed part of the house floats its way to the library (the place where they discovered the portal to their world) and, even though the dogs say "easy does it", the entire freaking house just collapses right on the steps, leaving one hell of a mess for the library staff to clean up. Luckily, since this is a Disney movie, an entire building collapsing around them doesn't harm any of the occupants one bit. It even frees the Fluppies from their cages!

What the? Wait a second. There were tons of other animals in those cages. Why the hell are they not pouring out of the house?

...oh god. Oh god. You seriously had to do that, Disney. You seriously had to kill them. That's dark.

Not pictured: Endangered animals getting crushed to death by a house.
The dogs happily run to the spot of the door, but Ozzie looks glum. Is it because he saw rare, exotic animals, creatures that were imprisoned against their will just like him, get crushed to death under broken beams and timber? No, it turns out the key is almost gonna die. Oh no!

I haven't pointed this out enough times, but I hate how none of the expressions in this movie really reflect the severity of what's going on. The only key to his home is about ready to lose all of its magic, and Ozzie just looks slightly bummed out. For the love of god, somebody act in this movie! Just because they're cute doesn't mean their looks alone are engaging me!

"I hate rock candy."
But don't worry, they manage to open the door back up, because Disney isn't man enough to have an ending where the strange alien creatures can't make it back home. They even get the trademark "every single protagonist smiles at a job well done" shot, even thought they probably shouldn't have done this because all it does is illustrate just how unexciting the character designs are.

It just hit me. These dogs look nothing like the toy line. Thanks for the false advertising, Kenner Toys.

But then, tearful goodbye scene. They're just pulling out all of the stops to make sure this show hits every cliche in the book. Jamie and his ugly hat tell Stanley not to leave him, Stanley tries to convince him to come with him, Jamie says that he can't leave his mom or home, Stanley says he'll never forget him, and they hug. Your basic paint-by-numbers heartfelt scene that's supposed to make the little kiddies just tear up.

I'm just a tiny bit disappointed because technically, we already got a scene like this over twenty minutes ago when Stanley was convinced he was going to find the door back home while Jamie was in school. And then we got another scene like this where Jamie was saying goodbye to them back at Wagjerk's place. How many times does he have to sniffle, cry, and say he misses them before we get it?

But, like a fearsome zombie rising from its grave, Wagstaff and Hamish dig themselves out of the rubble and are still after those Fluppies. Geez, dude. They destroyed a large portion of their house through dandruff levitation and are running through a Stargate to get back to their world. Just admit you've lost and move on!

Meanwhile, some animals leak out of the house, letting us know that not all of them got crushed into gory red paste underneath the broken mortar, but they're all common animals like birds and rabbits when Gaston had a timber wolf, a platypus, a lion, and a deer. We never see those animals again, but I'm sure the library staff got a kick out of seeing endangered carcasses in front of the main entrance. Just as much as they got a kick out of the destroyed house that's now in their parking lot. Fluppies; they may be adorable, but they certainly don't give a crap about anti-littering laws.
And when they jump inside, they get a loading screen telling them how many gems
they've collected in the previous world.
Oddly enough, there's actually a small plot twist to this storm of cliches. Wagglerod and his butler (who hasn't given any inclination that he's evil, by the way; Hamish is just doing his job) chase after the dogs, the Falumpus knocks them both in, and the portal actually closes on them, locking them in the Fluppy world. And that's literally the last time we ever see either of these characters. Screaming in terror that they're locked in a strange, frightening place full of creatures that hate them.

I dig the irony (Wagstaff wanted Fluppies and he got Fluppies alright), but I can't help but picture the Fluppy Race hearing about his torture wrecked on their fellow tribe members and they horribly execute this man to appease their furry pantheon of gods. Or, if Fluppy civilization is a lot like our world, they send him to death row and both Wagstaff and Hamish die in prison thanks to multiple appeals.

...or they just die of exposure from being stuck in the snow. Either way these two are going to die.

In fact, I'm pretty sure Wagstaff's having a heart attack right now.
We cut to winter, reminding us of Wagstaff's horrible fate, and we find that the two dumb kids have bonded and become friends. They're also still really sad that the Fluppy Dogs are gone even though they really only knew the furry little buggers for two days and their adventure nearly landed them in juvenile hall. Nevertheless, they sit there on that lonely hillside, looking glum. There is a void in their hearts, and it must be filled with animals that have pelts that resemble Skittles.

...I wonder if Wagstaff's mysterious disappearance and his strangely destroyed mansion with the inexplicable rubble far away from the scene of the crime still haunts the conspiracy tabloids to this very day.

Jamie has been the perfect student ever since the men in the white coats gave him those tranquilizers.
And then, happy ending! Oh, look, Fluppies! I knew they couldn't just leave their dumb wards behind. They've miraculously returned and they're giving both Claire and Jamie lots of friendly dog-like licks even though, throughout this entire movie, these characters have insisted that they're not dogs and find the whole getting on all fours and pretending like they're a lesser animal degrading.

Additionally, I like how the dogs' clothes and accessories were conveniently forgotten by everyone involved in this movie. Remember Stanley's hat and Tippi's camera? The animators sure don't!

And, by the way, is it me or do I find the idea of a sentient creature with the same level of intelligence as a human licking Jamie's face kind of disturbing?

And they called it Fluppy love...
There's a happy reunion scene, they pointlessly animate a sled flying through the air because we need one more instance of dog scratching and glowy dust, but then something sinister is on the horizon. While Jamie is flying the sled, he notices that the library door has been replaced with a glowing hole, and thousands of creatures are pouring out of it in an unrelentless tide. Oh my god, it's an approaching Fluppy army! Pray for humanity because this can only end in tears.
Fluppycraft 2: Beyond the Dark Portal
It turns out that hundreds of Fluppies are swarming out of portal because, according to Stanley, they seek adventure. Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better, especially knowing that the dogs possess both alien technology and the ability to make things fly. And with their cute, friendly looks, they can perfectly assimilate themselves into any household, infiltrating our lives while we remain unaware of their plotting and scheming.

Be afraid, readers, because this movie is hinting towards a potential dog-related apocalypse that may be on the horizon.
Wait, but back in the beginning, the Fluppies made fun of Earth dogs because they wear clothes.
These Fluppies aren't wearing anything. Explain, movie!
And this is honestly how the movie ends. With thousands of intelligent dogs running into our world, where they no doubt enslaved the human race and forced the entire sentient species into slave labor, forcing mankind to build their terrible canine temples and dig in their kibble mines.

That's adorable, right?

The Morals of this Movie
*Never adopt strangely colored animals from the pound, because they could be sentient aliens that influence your son to play hooky.
*Rich people are assholes.
*If you're exploring other worlds, for the love of god, bring a map or something to mark down where your home door is. Otherwise you could get stranded like the Fluppy Dogs.
*If Earth is taken over by flea-bitten canine overlords, welcome them and offer to round up slaves to toil in their underground kibble caves.

Final Verdict
There is one phrase that comes to mind when I watched this movie, and that's "wasted potential".

In a way, this would've been really cool as a series and I'm sad that it wasn't a series, but at the same time, I can totally understand why this wasn't picked up. I think my main problem with this was that good ideas were coated by a thin candy shell of blandness. None of the characters are really engaging and nothing feels like its in any real danger. It's just got a saccharine taste to it, which reminds me a little of The Wuzzles, and I think the reason for that is because no one was sure which audience to aim for, so they felt they had to "tone it down" and impress nobody. It's a little too much of a product of its time and didn't age as well as Gummi Bears.

All in all, had potential but wasn't pushed far enough to be great.

At the same time, this has really good animation for its time and there's sort of a cute charm to it. I'm going to only half-recommend this. Watch it if you want to discover a long-lost piece of Disney lore and impress your fellow Disney-loving friends. Don't watch it if you're expecting miracles.

All in all, a goofy special that I couldn't watch with a straight face. Could've been a lot more exciting, but it's completely harmless. I don't hate this movie, but at the same time, I can't see this becoming a regular thing for me to watch. It's merely okay.