I'll be honest. The last time I talked about the show and made a post about the show, I didn't feel it did the source material justice. Oh, the post isn't bad, I'm not saying that I already hate my own material now. It's just I felt that something was lacking from that post and some of my old jokes are just plain not holding up. I'm personally blaming it on the fact that it was one of the first posts I ever did for this site (Internet writing has a very steep learning curve) so now I hope I can appease the Spliced fanbase (all five of you) by writing a better post!
And what a better way to talk about the show than by actually talking about the episode that really introduced me to the show.
Now, while Stuck Together (the last episode I talked about when introducing the show in my blog) is a good episode and is technically, being a part of the first episode, how most people were introduced to this show, I myself consider this episode to be my show starter. It was the episode that helped prove to me that this was a show worth watching, because it had a giant gorilla with a pony hand making diamonds in its huge monkey fists while a dolphin wore a dress and performed fairy magic. No other cartoon has that, and I doubt no cartoon ever will.
That being said, let the show reference a completely different cartoon in this episode's title while I talk at length about fairies in...
Fairly Odd Princesses
Airdate: October 10, 2009
Availability: Online Only (or still in reruns, depending on the territory)
One of the good things about this episode is that it happens to have some of the other mutants that weren't really present in the previous episode I talked about, meaning I won't have to repeat so much of my own material. I'll get to Princess Pony Apehands later because I'm going to need all the space I can get to talk about her, so instead I'll talk about the first hideous mutant this show opens on, Fuzzy Snuggums. I'm seriously not making that name up, by the way. You gotta admire a cartoon that willingly hires five-year-olds to help with the design.
Looking more like a reject from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends than a terrifying science experiment meant to take over the world, Fuzzy Snuggums is some sort of weird thing with a timid, child-like voice and a freakishly huge head much larger than his body that's constantly trying to seek adventure away from the island. Unfortunately, he constantly fails in his escape attempts because they have a status quo to maintain. Before you ask, no, I have no idea what animals he's made out of. Unlike most of the other mutants, it's really unclear as to what Fuzzy is made out of, besides fairy floss and sickeningly sweet adorableness. I'm guessing the mad scientist responsible for birthing these sins against nature was bored one day and wanted to see if he could create a Dr. Seuss character.
|My brain is undecided between finding Fuzzy cute or finding Fuzzy terrifying.|
And even though this island is fully populated with a bunch of different mutants of many shapes and sizes and is not a deserted island by any means of the world, Fuzzy still could only make friends with inanimate objects in order to fight off his overwhelming loneliness. Awww, now I feel bad for this googly-eyed mockery of Mother Nature's creations.
|I'm really digging the :3 face coconut.|
I also like how neither of them find this situation weird. Oh sure, they have tentacles and udders and all that good stuff, but that doesn't excuse the fact that Fuzzy here has an armchair just sitting outside on a beach while he was talking to fruit. I bet when Fuzzy was feverishly painting faces on those coconuts in order to give a physical form to the awful voices in his head, everyone on Keep Away Isle just assumed Sir Snuggums has a weird, frightening hobby. Now I wonder if Fuzzy's home is covered from floor to ceiling with silent, eternally staring coconuts, each in a different state of decay, their awkward, hairy presence unnerving anyone who dares enter his lair.
Oh right, the cartoon. Moving on...
|"So, Fuzzy. How's your Dissociative Identity Disorder treating you?"|
Luckily, Entrée has wings (and I won't hold it against you if the fact that Entrée's arms are really wings came as a surprise), so he's able to slow their fall. According to Peri, they would actually die if they fell from that high of a height instead of merely splatting against the ground and then turning into accordions like the old Looney Tunes shorts. Entrée may have giant nipples for feet, but he still operates with the same kind of logic as the rest of us mere mortals.
...so basically, if Entrée and Peri didn't sit on that armchair, Fuzzy Snuggums would've most assuredly fallen to his death. Now that's a pleasant thought to start the cartoon on. Fuzzy is not only suffering from schizophrenia, but he's also incredibly reckless.
|Entrée really overdoes it on the eyeshadow.|
And, through a series of cartoon physics, they crash through several beauty salons and clothes stores until they land in a tree, all dressed up and covered in fancy makeup. So, why would the genetic experiments have clothes and wigs if, most of the time, the entire cast walks around butt-naked? Entrée's main form of locomotion is considered obscene enough as it is without having to ponder the fact that he's also nude on top of that. And presumably great-tasting.
Ah well. At least they're color-coordinated.
|Entrée's bra is in the wrong spot.|
What use this creature would have in the mad scientist's domination, though, I really have no clue. I'm just going to assume that, like Fuzzy Snuggums, the sick freak of a doctor decided that he wanted a goddamn gorilla with a horse's head running around and nobody was going to tell him otherwise. I can see why the authorities were able to catch this guy now. He has no rhyme or reason to his schemes.
That being said, I'll be honest. This is a really fun twist on the whole "young girly princess character that loves ponies, fairies, and pink" archetype that pops up from time to time in these shows. The fact that her voice is manly as hell while still having a cutesy lisp just makes everything better. Apehands for president.
|The most accurate representation of the brony subculture ever.|
And yet I can't help but feel sorry for poor Princess Pony Apehands. She was dreaming for fairies to be her friends for quite some time, and the ones that finally do show up are ugly as hell. If I was a little girl and an obese pig-cow fairy with a coconut bra and droopy udder feet appeared in my home, I'd need intensive therapy in order to safely reenter society.
|"Princess drew fanart! Please +fav and leave comment!"|
Now, a moment of silence for our two protagonists' spines, which most assuredly got liquified by that power hug.
|"Princess am biggest fan! Please comment on Princess cosplay!"|
Man, there's nothing like taking advantage of a developmentally disadvantaged acquaintance's trust in order to advance the plot. Am I right?
|Who wouldn't trust that face?|
Once they're freed from the tree's branches (although they could've just removed their clothing, even if that would be distressing for Princess), they wisely run away before King Kong's daughter catches wind that she's been tricked. But, when the two mutated animals arrive at Peri's house and start to dwell upon just what the hell happened back there, a sinister thought floats through the bacon-flavored recesses of Entrée's brain. If they can convince Princess to help them out of that tree, then maybe they can make her do other crap for them as well! Light bulb!
Peri, of course, thinks this sounds like a terrible idea (and it is), because they're going to be lying to someone who can dissolve their skulls with just one well-aimed punch. He ends up going along with it anyways, because they have a plot to maintain and plus Entrée is going to look like a major dumbass doing his Ed, Edd, and Eddy-style scam all by himself.
So, I wonder if anyone is missing their bras and dresses. The reason they have those outfits on is because they crashed into someone's clothesline...
|Man, those two are into some pretty kinky stuff.|
I'm also curious as to how Apehands manages to put on that pearl necklace and tiara with her giant monkey fists.
|Perina Magicbutt is totally rocking the 80's look.|
At first, the items are innocuous, like a tree branch, but they quickly get more and more absurd because over time, Entrée's Shove Thing in Peri's Mouth skill gains experience and levels up, so the items turn into things like bike tires and tricycles. It's nice of Entrée to break his friend's jaw before Princess Pony Apehands can get a chance to do so.
This scene also helps to differentiate Entrée from Patrick, the fat idiot friend protagonist that Entrée is constantly compared to by useless hacks like myself. You see, while Patrick is an idiot who can sometimes be a jerk, Entrée is a jerk that can sometimes be an idiot. There's a key difference!
|Peri, do you have enough tricycles to share with the rest of the class?|
Course, when they ask favors from Princess, she really goes all out. The fat one asks for some ice cream, so our hulking little princess suddenly pulls out a goddamn ice cream truck and showers them with frozen delights. Yeah, I can see why it was so tempting to scheme Pony Apehands now.
By the way, for those curious, Peri and Entrée are going to be in dresses for the vast majority of this episode. I love how comfortable they are with crossdressing.
|"Aww, come on, can I have some of that ice cream, Entrée?"|
"Only when you finish that tricycle."
And if you don't end up feeling sorry for the enormous ape chimera after seeing this scene, then your heart is made of stone. She gives them snowmobiles, a new house (!), and brand new shoes, and they can't even summon enough energy to dance a decent fairy jig. Peri and Entrée are dicks.
|"Aww man, my fairies suck!"|
Okay, why do they have a camera in Princess Pony Apehands's house? How were they able to catch this simple act of greed out of all of the other actions currently taking place on the island? Were they just spying on Princess, or do they have a hidden array of thousands upon thousands of cameras lurking everywhere?
...oh god. What else can they see on Keep Away Isle!? This is a violation of the other mutants' privacy, Smarts!
|"Ewww, this cartoon is made in Flash! I miss the 90's when cartoons were actually good."|
Also, isn't it wonderful how this plot is basically everybody exploiting the same person just because they happen to be very gullible and very generous? Like normal human beings, the mutants in Spliced can have their moments where they're just absolute jerks to this one solitary person, all for the sake of personal gain. Now that's educational!
|"I mean, hey, I didn't want these characters to be the actual villains of the episode. |
I had to step in before they looked bad!"
|Why the long face?|
I also just noticed that half of the screens in this post are this bizarre shade of pink. I was going to say "I sure hope no one with testosterone is reading this" but then I remembered that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic exists. The Internet can handle a little bit more pink.
Also, I totally dig the fact that, thanks to the way Smarty Smarts walks, the Fairy Queen looks like she has no arms. Hell, in closeups, you can clearly see where Smarty Smarts removed the sleeves and then stitched them in a way so that the dress was more suited for his body type. Does Princess just write these fairies off as deformed?
|Even fairies are harmfully affected by pollution in the water supply!|
|And don't ask where he got the coconuts. They were carried to Keep Away Isle by migrating African swallows.|
I have to say, watching Mister Smarty Smarts move around while in a dress is incredibly strange. Since his legs are also his arms, the fairy queen's body soon devolves into a shapeless lump when he performs certain gestures like sipping away on a wine glass. And yet no one questions it. I guess Keep Away Isle fairies are a strange, frightening breed. And now I wonder if they too are also allergic to iron.
|"I am very confident in my heterosexuality."|
And it took me a while to realize what the joke here was. At first I thought that Peri was just fine-tuning the laser satellite, but it turns out Peri was able to build that thing all by himself in an incredibly short amount of time. Suddenly my mind goes back to the previous episode I talked about, where this character was trying to figure out the reason why he's made, and sure enough, the answer's right here. Peri was probably meant to be that mad scientist's lackey, constantly building his gadgets for his world domination attempts. Oh, the cruel, unforgiving irony; like the finest Greek tragedy, Peri remains unaware of his true talents.
Also, does Princess Pony Apehands happen to have satellite parts just lying around her house? That monkey's badass!
|"It looks like all of your RAM slots are filled. I can try replacing the motherboard, but I won't make any promises."|
Entrée doesn't get computers, obviously. Even though he's being animated by one.
|"Well, you did say silicon..."|
This leads me to question the intelligence of this scheme that's being shared by Peri, Entrée, and Smarty Smarts. So what, they could provide the costumes and the glitter, and yet they couldn't think of a decent magic trick to placate the rampaging monkeybeast in case something like this happens? Geez, just a simple use of magnets or cards would probably be enough! If she can be fooled by a coconut bra and some wigs, then she can be fooled by simple ventriloquism or rope tricks.
Also, isn't it sad how the intro labelled this as a Princess Pony Apehands cartoon and yet she's getting used like a doormat? This cartoon is hilariously cruel.
|"Hasbro made Princess Celestia's toy pink! RAAARGH!"|
...if you know anything about how diamonds are made, this becomes unquestionably frightening and, if anything, makes Peri, Entrée, and Smarty Smarts even bigger idiots. Princess Pony Apehands can honest to god squeeze coal into diamonds (which means that if she used that same amount of force on, say, people that were lying to her, they would most assuredly die) and yet they're still continuing to treat her like crap. I sure hope they left a last will and testament prior to going to her house.
And the expressions in this show are super amazing. Just look at Smarty Smarts there. He looks like, if he could, he would grab your soul with his bare hands and goddamn end your existence right then and there.
|"The coal will BURN YOU."|
To make what is already a bad situation even worse, I just want to take the time and point out the backgrounds of Princess Pony Apehands' house. I like how the cutesy heart wallpaper is juxtaposed with animalistic rips and dirty monkey hand prints. It sort of reminds me of what The Beast's West Wing from Disney's award-winning classic would look if The Beast was a six year old girl.
Incidentally, Smarty Smarts was able to produce a very sizable pile of coal for the giant primate to squish into diamonds. Does that mean that Keep Away Isle has a gigantic coal mine somewhere? Now I'm curious as to whether the coal factored into one of the crazy mad scientist's evil schemes before he got arrested.
|"Rainbow Dash is best pony! Rarity sucks!"|
I want you to look at these faces. Study them, examine them in a lab even. If you can gaze upon these hideous visages and still say that this cartoon looks terrible because it was done in Flash, then I have nothing more to say to you. You're obviously dead inside.
And is it just me, or is Smarty Smarts' hair a reference to The Flintstones?
|Smarty Smarts has a lot of feelings.|
...yes, at one point in this cartoon, forceful stripping becomes a plot device. What a magical, mythical episode this is.
|This is hot.|
Anyone with a brain can see just how bad of an idea this is. Oh, these poor naive fools.
|This blog post has been brought to you by the color pink.|
And when I say teensy weensy, I mean "there's a really scary ape monster able to make diamonds with her fists that they've been lying to for practically this entire episode".
The saddest part of this though has to be the fact that, after all the crap they've done to her, instead of feeling pity for three people who are about to turn into three bloody splatters on Princess's knuckles, I was cheering her on. It's been pretty clearly established that they deserve this.
|And then they all died.|
And, even as a great allusion to that crazy nutcase we saw in the beginning of the episode, they even land next to Fuzzy Snuggums the coconut lover. Strangely, this time around, he doesn't have any of his creepy hairy pals with him. I'm guessing some horrible sacrifice to his pagan god occurred off-screen.
Not sure where he got the extra armchair though. I guess the mad scientist responsible for these aberrations also collected purple furniture in his spare time.
...and, oh my god. He saw Peri and Entrée narrowly avoid death with his lethal chair catapult of doom and yet he's still going to try it again? What the hell, Fuzzy?! You're a danger to yourself and others!
|"Okay, it's clear my medication is not working."|
...but I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to instead focus on how disturbing Entrée's locomotion is. Oh my god, Entrée walking is such a surreal experience. It's hard to portray this with mere stills, but he doesn't so much walk as have his many nipples drag him across the ground. Picture a caterpillar, only instead of legs, it's teats. Maybe the real reason they didn't have this on any of the major channels is because this blatant display of mammary glands was considered filthy and not fit to be shown to younger audiences.
And, I hate to bring this up since it'll probably gross all of my viewers out, but I wonder if Entrée can also lactate. Had to ask, what with the udder and all.
|Fuzzy is aware of how strange this looks, and for that, he apologizes.|
...I sure hope Princess Pony Apehands got rid of that laser satellite sitting in her house.
The Moral of this Cartoon
Crossdressing should not be used for evil.
*The animation is actually really good for a Flash cartoon. I don't know how many pictures of Smarty Smarts I have to post before this can become apparent of course, but just take my word for it.
*The characters are very likeable. Entrée, while does exhibit some Patrick-ish tendencies, is different enough from that character to be fun to watch. Smarty Smarts is always a joy to behold, and I even found myself liking Princess Pony Apehands.
*The pacing was really good. I can't emphasize this enough, but one of the things that makes cartoons good or bad is whether or not scenes go by too fast or too slow. Nothing dragged here, and it felt like they knew about how much time they had in advance and made a simple enough plot to go with that.
*The humor. While some jokes fell flat (there were some predictable jokes here and there), I did honestly get a kick out of the humor. I found this funny.
*Smarty Smarts' facial expressions. Best damn thing in this entire episode, hand's down.
*It was only 11 minutes long.
*Not enough people know this show exists.
*Okay, okay, fine. A legitimate complaint. The plot is kind of predictable.
*The color palette kind of stayed the same for most of the episode. That was an awful shade of purple they used.
The Final Decision
As you can probably tell, I really like this show and I really like this episode. This is one of those "irrelevant humor" shows that I actually find myself enjoying. Peri and Entrée are believable as friends, and it's loads of fun seeing what wacky adventures they get themselves into. It's such a shame that this show never really had a chance, and unless the show started to get really bad in the later season, I can only dream of what could've been had this show had taken off and been as popular as Adventure Time or Foster's Home.
Clap your hands if you believe in mutants!