After that way-too-catchy intro is done and over with (one of the side-effects of watching 90's cartoons is having theme songs get firmly wedged in your head), we're magically whisked to Robotnik's evil fortress. Even if you've never watched an episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog in your life, it's still easy to tell that this place houses dastardly villainous scum. From bloodstained sky to the naked fist-clenching statue of pure evil, you know that no hero would
dare live here.
And what are these heinous piles of vile filth doing in their spare time? Watching TV. For those who are unfamiliar with Sonic the Hedgehog as a whole, let me introduce you to Scratch and Grounder, aka the main villain's two dumb minions who always screw up but somehow never get taken off the payroll. I shouldn't have to tell you which one is which, if only because chickens suck at grinding.
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| Way to not have any sofas or even a TV stand, Robotnik. |
It turns out in the television show they're watching, some anthropomorphic eagle is apparently so accident-prone that she somehow ended up on a mountain side where a forest fire and an avalanche is happening
all at the same time. Wow, what are the odds? She also was blessed with the ability to state the bloody obvious, because her dialogue is "Oh no! An avalanche! And a forest fire!" That's like me walking around town and then saying "Oh no! A recession!".
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| "I'm going to stand here and point at these rocks instead of trying to escape!" |
Knowing that she can't do crap to save herself, the big-breasted eagle shouts to the sky for someone to help her. In flies in the hero of the show, and even though Scratch and Grounder are evil villains and should be used to some mutant animal just randomly flying in and saving the day, they cheer when Edgar Eagle, Champion of the Skies, shows up.
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| You should see how they react whenever Transformers is on. |
And it turns out Edgar Eagle is a real man's man because the first thing he does in his own show is that he sneaks a cop-a-feel with Ellie. Whoa, they broadcast this show during the day?
After that weird little moment, we get to see just how a Champion of the Skies takes care of his problems. That's when we learn that apparently Edgar Eagle is some sort of demi-god, because he possesses strength and magic powers that no mere mortal would have. I must know his superhero backstory now.
He also has the ability to look like an absolute jerk while doing this, like he
knows how awesome he is and he just can't bear being so awesome.
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| I like to imagine this is Mobius's answer to the live-action Batman series from the 1960's. |
Despite how unrealistic this is and despite the fact the main hero's a prick, Scratch and Grounder totally buy into this stupid show. Grounder exclaims "Aw, did you see that? Smashed them into pebbles!" as if Scratch wasn't right next to him watching the exact same thing. Even though Grounder's emulating that lady eagle by stating the obvious, Scratch doesn't care. Instead he's magically sprouting muscles and saying that he wants to be just like Edgar.
Is it me, or is it kind of sad that these two want to be just like Edgar Eagle? Do they just want the strength and charisma Edgar Eagle have and smash
Sonic into little bite-sized chunks, or do they honestly want to go out and save people but can't on account they're being employed by Robotnik? The idea that these two don't
want to be the bad guys is kind of depressing when you think about it.
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| They look happy, but they're dead inside. |
It gets even sadder when Robotnik bursts into the room and Scratch and Grounder honestly look
ashamed at what they're watching. Aww, I'm sure everyone here knows exactly how this feels. After all, you're on this blog, and the owner of said blog is over 20 and just spent time that I will never get back talking about Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island.
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| "Were you two watching that My Little Pony show again? You know that show's for GIRLS!" |
The two of them attempt to cover their asses by saying that they were just waiting to see if they did anything rotten today or something. You know this is the badnik equivalent of minimizing your Firefox window and then insisting that you were e-mailing your college professor when you were really on some message board arguing about how your fanfiction is totally in-canon despite the gratuitous use of male on male action. And if you're reading this blog, chances are you know
exactly how this feels.
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"We definitely were NOT trolling anybody on Youtube, your Grossness!"
"Dude, shut up. Shut up!" |
Their boss doesn't buy it, and insists that they do something more useful like kissing his feet. Considering Robotnik, I have to wonder why he didn't just build a foot-kissing robot if he's
that desperate for some foot-lovin'. I know I wouldn't want something with a drill or a hard, metal beak to be pecking at my toes.
After they perform that disgusting duty, Robotnik then kicks them so hard that they fly to another background set, conveniently exiting the scene in his own unique way. That's when we learn how disturbing the robots' relationship with Robotnik is. Scratch informs Grounder that since the heavily deformed obese man called him a certain insult, that's a sign of affection. I'm sure there are relationship therapists that would have a field day just from watching this one scene.
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| Also, Scratch temporarily turns into Mordecai from Regular Show. |
After Scratch lets Grounder know that he has serious emotional issues, Grounder lets loose with a rather useless plot point that will only be dropped halfway through the episode. He tells the giant emotionally distressed robot chicken that they should have a race to see who can catch Sonic first, and whoever
does catch Sonic is the one Robotnik loves best. Grounder, I'm pretty sure that kinda goes without saying, considering how utterly disappointed Dr. Fatbuttnik is with his supposedly intelligent, skillful hedgehog catchers being outright failures.
By the way, I just want to direct your attention to these backgrounds. I like how Robotnik's evil fortress is just completely void of any furniture or decorations. I mean, geez, their version of a living room is a dinky little television with rabbit ears (this was made in the 90's, when those TVs have been long obsolete) sitting on the floor and them kneeling on their hands and knees in order to watch it.
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| I like how there are random skylights and outhouse doors just scattered around this place. |
Right when Grounder leaves, the TV conveniently advertises a plot device, like all TVs in cartoons do. In Edgar Eagle's case, he advertises a kit that allows you to build your own honest to god
helicopter. Geez, all my shows advertised at the end of each episode was action figures.
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| That looks like the single most unsafe helicopter ever and he's selling it to his viewers? |
But yes, if you send Edgar Eagle one thousand Mobiums, he'll give you the means to build something that people spend years learning how to pilot. Also, if you buy a helicopter, an aircraft that can run you at least 1.5 million dollars if you purchase one brand new (and yes,
I looked this up), you get a scarf and helmet for free! What a deal!
Anyways, just so we're in the clear, a television show in this universe is telling its viewers that if they send a thousand dollars (what's the exchange rate of Mobiums to dollars?) through the mail, they'll get their own helicopter. And yet Robotnik can't afford to buy any chairs.
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"Hi! Billy Mays here for Mighty Copter! The fast and easy way to
slam and solve your plot point problems!" |
And apparently one thousand mobiums can be perfectly stored in
a piggy bank, which only raises further questions about this show's currency, but the main one is "Why is the world currency on Mobius called Mobiums when there's no country over here that calls their currency Earthums?".
Also, why does Scratch keep his life-savings in the living room? He sure is trusting for an evil villain.
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| Geez, that's disturbing. It'd be like me owning a ceramic human in the shape of a pig. |
So yeah, apparently Scratch can just run out and buy a freaking
helicopter on an evil minion's salary, because we find him in his room putting it together. Yeah. What the hell. However, the plot point doesn't undervalue the fact that Scratch's room is
adorable. I guess compared to the stark bareness of Robotnik's hallways and living rooms, it's almost refreshing to see a living space with actual curtains. Plus that little straw bed is so cute. I wonder if Scratch sleeps with his head tucked underneath his wing.
Also, was it really a good idea to advertise that helicopter on TV? I ask this because we learn that one of the steps is "Attach the parabolic matrix to the dookie to the oscillator framess and turn two full turns clockwise" and the manual is a leather-bound book the size and thickness of a dictionary. Sounds needlessly complicated for something advertised in an infomercial. I bet this means a lot of garages in Mobius have half-finished helicopters just sitting around collecting dust.
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I have to wonder what Robotnik and Grounder thought when Scratch
carried an aircraft-sized box into his room. |
Some unexplained sight gags later (he somehow turns the helicopter into a Mouser from TMNT), Scratch now has a working helicopter in his room. And there seems to be a universal truth to all items bought through infomercials, because the helicopter doesn't look at all like the one seen on TV. But, to be fair, it could be easy to assume that Scratch did some modifications of his own to the helicopter because now it has a gun mounted to it. I don't think Edgar Eagle would advertise a helicopter with actual firearms attached to it, right?
...Right!?
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| So, what was Grounder doing during all of this time...? |
By the way, Scratch is somehow smart enough to, in one night, build a highly advanced vehicle capable of air travel in his own bedroom, but he was not smart enough to figure out a way for the helicopter to get out of his room without causing any structural damage. Go figure.
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| Nice of Scratch to have a picture of his boss screaming in terror on his wall. |
But then, Sonic appears in his own show! Wow, nearly five minutes in and the spiky blue menace finally decides to show up. We learn from Tails that they're in this farmland of bizarre purple vegetables because Farmer Peck asked for their help and that he sure sounded worried. Gee whiz, sounds like a plot point. What I like to know is,
how the hell did Farmer Peck contact Sonic? One of Sonic's main character traits is that he's never in the same place, and I don't think cell phones exist in Mobius. Did he send a letter, hoping that Sonic checks every post office in every town he runs through?
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I like how literally nothing in this picture makes any sense. The sky is yellow, the plants are purple,
and that kid has two tails. Welcome to insanity. |
By the way, the moment Sonic tempts fate and asks "What could go wrong here?", Scratch of course shows just what could go wrong here by appearing in his flying Scratchocopter and shootings flaming egg bombs at the two mutant furballs. Not sure why he would go for an egg theme for his weapons when just shooting
normal bombs at the two of them would be far more effective.
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| Oh geez, the face on Scratch's helicopter. |
Unfortunately, Scratch is a threat for about two seconds, because then Sonic and Tails show up in one of their many disguises and tell Scratch to pull over. And Scratch is not at all suspicious even though he's in a helicopter and these two policemen showed up in the air, with one of them flying like a helicopter with his
two tails. It hurts that Robotnik's robots that he built for the single purpose of catching Sonic are instantly fooled by clothing. I guess he programmed them pretty specifically.
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| "That officer has two tails and can fly and that other officer has blue spines. Huh." |
What's funny about this scene in particular is that Sonic really gets into his role and starts berating Scratch like he's an L.A. cop. "You robot chickens make me sick!" he tells Scratch, instantly letting the audience know that Sonic is a racist. There's even an allusion to drinking in his rant, but really Sonic, did you just let your true feelings be known to the audience? Is
that the reason why you torture Scratch and Grounder in every episode? Robots are people too.
Aaaand, what's the point in all of this? Absolutely nothing, because all Sonic does is tell Scratch to wait right there, not once taking the chance to disable his helicopter so it can't fly again. Scratch later disobeys his order when he finds out three seconds later that the policeman is really the hedgehog, so you know what that makes this scene? Entirely pointless.
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"You robots keep stealing our jobs, leeching off our welfare, and filling our prisons. If this were
a perfect world, you'd all be shipped back to the factory you came from!" |
There's a screen wipe, and we find Scratch aimlessly flying around in his chunky helicopter and talking to himself about what he's going to do with the hedgehog once he catches up to him. Yeah, I too have monologues whenever I pilot dangerous vehicles. But then that's when Sonic does one of the most bizarre things ever. He inexplicably teleports into the helicopter...
in drag. They don't give us an explanation as to how this happens, but frankly I'm too disturbed by that cord hanging out of Sonic's miniskirt.
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| Hate to say it, Sonic, but you're this close to getting Warner Bros.'s lawyers on your ass. |
Why does Sonic magically appear in Scratch's helicopter dressed up like a woman? So that he can move the egg bomb cannon so that it's pointing towards the helicopter's blades. I guess he was able to do this without Scratch noticing because the chicken was distracted by the hedgehog's gorgeous flowing locks and his shapely body. And I'm a little disturbed that best idea Sonic could come up with to stop this heinous villain involved seducing Scratch.
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He's more shocked by the fact that whenever he hits on a woman, it always turns out to be
the hedgehog in a disguise. Talk about rotten luck. |
Scratch of course, crashes, and the only thing Sonic can say about the resulting carnage is "I think he's going to need a new paint job." Ha ha, it's funny because Sonic totally does not give a crap about other people's suffering if they're on the opposing team! It's a good thing all of his opponents are either robots or so overweight that their fat absorbs the blows or else this show would have a massive body count.
What's weird about this crash is that, unlike all the other damage Scratch sustains in this entire freaking show, this
one injury out of all the others happens to be the one that gives Scratch amnesia. Hey, cartoon, I have a question.
How can robots contact amnesia? It's not like he has a brain; he's a robot. For all we know, his memories and personality could be stored in chips nestled in his chest cavity.
Luckily, instead of wandering the countryside in a daze, a female turkey on a motorcycle drives up to him and asks him who he is, and Scratch responds that he's Edgar Eagle. Yes, my friends, Scratch thinks he's Edgar Eagle now!
What a twist!
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| I like how the turkey just readily accepts a free-thinking robot just crash-landing in her farm. |
Oh, what hijinks will happen now that Scratch thinks he's Edgar Eagle? Watch as this question gets ignored, because first the episode decides to show us some aging turkeys lurching back and forth on rocking chairs, with the male giving us loads of exposition and the female deciding never to have a word of dialogue in this entire episode. I have to wonder if the reason she doesn't say anything at all (and, rewatching this, I don't think she even
blinks) is because she died a couple days ago but since her chair keeps rocking, no one's noticed yet.
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| Or DIC was too cheap to pay for another female VA. Either way, something's up. |
So, Sonic shows up and Mr. Exposition Turkey decides to lay out the plot for all of us to enjoy. It turns out Robotnik had previously approached this turkey and offered two mobiums for his whole farm on account he wants to build the world's biggest robot factory on this land. And since he refused, Robotnik is going ahead and destroying his farm
anyways, on account he doesn't care if those turkeys talk and wear clothes, he's not going to take any crap from something he eats every November.
I was going to why Dr. Tubbo McGreasepig has to build a giant robot factory on someone's farm when it's been established that 80% of Mobius is barren wasteland for Sonic to run around in, but then I realized that Robotnik is an asshole and this is totally right up his alley to destroy some family's source of income just for the hell of it.
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| "He also threatened to marinate me in citrus and roast me for four hours at 325 degrees." |
Sonic of course decides to help, since it'd look bad on his resume if he didn't help some random turkey get his property back, and then we cut to Robotnik and Grounder (oh, great job going out to catch the hedgehog,
Grounder) watching Sonic on the same TV the two robots had watched Edgar Eagle's show. Sooo, how is the TV spying on Sonic? Also, there's a really lame sneeze joke in this scene that I'm just going to ignore. As should you.
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| "Aww man, change the channel. I'm missing Biker Mice From Mars!" |
So yeah, this scene clearly exists just for Robotnik's voice actor to chew some scenery, because all it establishes is that Robotnik has a remote that controls a security system installed on all of his giant farm-destroying robots. I kind of remember this scene bugging me as a child because Grounder is just all-around useless in this scene and a lot dumber than usual. For example, when Robotnik says the remote is going to help other villains protect their gizmos from heroes, Grounder goes "I get it! You'll change the channels!". Uuuuugh. It's painful to watch, to say the least, especially if you were watching this on the VHS and this episode came right after "Grounder the Genius", where Grounder was extremely competent, even without the genius chip.
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| Grounder's been having this problem ever since Robotnik installed Windows Vista on him. |
And our next plot point is the Robotnik Diabolical Machine Alarm (I love it when villains come up with their own goofy names for stuff), which informs the blue hedgehog attempting to break into the Transformers rejects that "trespassers will be subjected to mindless violence". So basically, it's like all of Robotnik's other machines, only this one gives Sonic a warning before it attacks. That's...not very smart.
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| It isn't a robot until you attach useless arms to it! |
I think what's notable about this plot point is that it's an invention of Robotnik's that actually
succeeds in driving the hedgehog away. Sonic still escapes completely unharmed despite stepping right on a landmine (I'm not sure how either), but it was cool to see Robotnik's contraptions actually have the upper hand for once since it's very clear that the writers were on Team Sonic and were never going to let Robotnik win.
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| All that's missing is the shower of rings shooting out of Sonic's body. |
But then, in comes that female turkey (who we learn is named Henrietta) and Scratch. Farmer Peck remains totally calm even though his daughter arrived late from her motorcycle trip and is suddenly all excited about this strange male she found and is making googly eyes at. She even gushes on about all the adventures "Edgar Eagle" told her. Yeah, I don't even want to
know what they were doing while our focus was on Sonic and his shenanigans, but I could probably hazard a very good guess.
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Try not to think about it too much, because then you'll realize Scratch is a robot
and your brain will explode. |
Sonic and Tails don't seem too disturbed by the fact that one of their greatest enemies has pulled up in a motorcycle and lost his virginity out behind a barn with a turkey, but then an explosion interrupts this conversation that's frankly going nowhere. Henrietta cries at the mindless, unforgiving clutches of big business destroying everything she knows and love, which causes Scratch to drive off on her motorcycle and try to be a hero. You know, maybe Scratch thinking he's Edgar Eagle isn't such a bad thing after all. For one thing, he drives that motorcycle
like a boss.
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| All those years of Excitebike training paid off. |
Apparently the big dramatic cut-to-black moment of this show was Scratch driving towards the robot factory and apparently Scratch's heroics was going to blow them all up or something. Eh, I've seen weaker excuses to cut to commercial. We fade back into the action and...oh geez, that background. Just look at that background.
Look at it!
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| Baby's first cartoon layout. |
Okay, I have no idea how the hell I'll be able to top that, but I'll try anyways. We find Scratch yelling ineffectively at the robot factory. I'm sure this is mighty embarrassing for "Edgar Eagle" right about now, considering he clearly remembers singlehandedly destroying an entire forest fire and yet can't muster up the strength to dismantle a piddly little robot foundry. Maybe all that finger-licking goodness he received from Henrietta sapped his strength.
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| "I'm going to keep shaking my fist in your direction until you surrender!" |
Unfortunately, Scratch yelling at the robot factory means that now Robotnik and Grounder know about Scratch's current condition. I was going to say something witty, but I was instantly distracted by how much the animators emphasized both Robotnik
and Grounder's asses in this one shot. Did someone on the staff have some sort of fetish they had to constantly cater to or something? This can't be the first time I've mentioned butts in Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.
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| BUTTS. |
Giantass Mcfathuge is understandably upset while Grounder jokes that his big brother finally popped a transistor, but then their opinions change once it turns out that Sonic came within range of their security system in an attempt to save Scratch. I personally have
no idea why Sonic wants to save Scratch when one of his favorite pastimes is hurting Scratch until his arms pop off. Hell, just a couple minutes ago, Sonic made Scratch's aircraft crash, causing this bout of amnesia in the first place! Geez, make up your mind, hedgehog. Either you hate him or you don't.
After that, there's an
incredible amount of build-up over how dangerous Robotnik's Diabolical Machine Alarm is in the following scene, emulating Nintendo right before they released Super Smash Bros. Brawl. There's all this tension building as Robotnik sets them to maximum level, how Sonic fell right into his trap, and how he'll kill Scratch too,
oh my god, when the payoff ends up being a simple two-second "Sonic runs really fast to escape the lasers" ending.
I think the only good thing that comes out of this scene is a really characteristic "But you'll blow up Scratch too!" comment from Grounder that Robotnik merely responds with a "Pity." and just fires away anyways. If this were a better-written show, this would be a great example of character development from both characters, since it shows that Grounder really does care about his brother and Robotnik realizes that if he destroys Scratch, he can just go out and build another one.
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| No, Grounder! Don't reach in there! You have so much to live for! |
So Scratch and Sonic are both safe from Robotnik's machine, they're back on the farm and
whoa now, Henrietta! Are you sure you want to do that with your parents watching? They might start breaking out the shotguns and demanding that Scratch marry you to preserve your reputation.
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| "Not now, Henrietta. I have a headache." |
While Henrietta tries to make it to second base right then and there on the ground, Sonic decides to do the heroic thing and exploit the person suffering from a severe head injury. We can all learn something from this kind, gentle soul as he decides to milk Scratch's amnesia for what it's worth. Although, to be fair, it was either that or watch Henrietta try to create a new, delicious breed of edible fowl.
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| At least Tails now knows where babies come from, sparing Sonic from ever having to give "The Talk". |
Do we get anywhere with this scene? No, because first we have to see Robotnik struggling to fit in a corset. Yes, the cartoon
is that cruel, as a matter of fact. So now we have to suffer through a scene where Robotnik is trying to squeeze into tight-fitting clothing, his bulging fatness bursting from every seam and his prone, quivering fleshlard sending the viewers into mass hypnosis. If you love your sanity, you should probably shield your eyes for the next couple of screenshots.
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| Pictured: The birth of at least five separate Internet fetishes. |
This scene actually has a point, I'm not kidding you. Thanks to the corset, Robotnik ends up causing the robot levellers to go crazy, on account his corpulent love-handles burst out of his uniform, sending a button to go smashing into the master control unit for all of his machines. And allow me to provide a visual aide to show you exactly how this looked.
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| And no, I'm not paying for your therapy bill. |
Meanwhile, Scratch is busy telling them rather unhelpful information about Robotnik. Besides the key underneath the welcome mat, it's all stuff they should already know, like the fact that there's an evil fortress nearby. No offense, Scratch, but unless there's more than one husky dictator in this world, your boss's fortress is really easy to spot. It's got a twenty story high statue, for crying out loud. You could see that golden naked Robotnik from space!
But wait, this plot seems to be going nowhere. We need to move this episode along at a faster pace! Looks like this is a job for...
Exposition Turkey!
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| "Oh Honey, not in front of the city folk." |
Farmer Peck can only talk in plot devices, so of course the moment he appears on-screen, he's
of course telling the heroes that the robot factory-building machines are going crazy and that if they don't stop them soon, everyone they know and love will die a horrible bone-crushing death underneath the pitiless pagan gods of technology. ...okay, he
really said "we're done for", but you knew what he meant.
This recent development is so shocking that Henrietta faints into Scratch's arms, providing Scratch a nice view at her cleavage. Don't believe me? Take a look at where his eyes immediately go.
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| Scratch thought he was a drumstick kind of fellow until he discovered turkey breast. |
Luckily, when Sonic
uses quizzes Scratch, they then learn that the machines are being controlled by a master remote. And if they get to the remote, they can conveniently fix all the damage Robotnik's caused to these white trash turkey folk.
Sonic decides that the best way to find the deux ex machina remote control for Robotnik's plot device machines is to take Scratch along. Because he knows the moment he leaves Scratch alone with Henrietta, the rating on his show is going to soar, and he already has enough problems with the furry fandom without Scratch helping.
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| And Henrietta just can't resist sneaking a peek at Scratch's rock-hard abs. |
But there's a small hitch. Henrietta wants to go too, because she can't stand being away from her "wonderful bird". I know I've made a bunch of jokes at her expense already, but I think that's because as a kid, I thought it was so cute that one of the robots actually had someone that loved them back. I guess I was willing to forgive this turkey's somewhat annoying voice and her creepy bald head if she was giving Scratch at little loving in exchange. Plus, come on. He's a chicken and she's a turkey. You know it makes sense in a bizarre way.
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| "And then I'll be Mrs. Edgar Eagle and we'll have lots and lots of kids and live happily ever after!" |
But there's just one problem. Who's going to watch Farmer Peck and Nameless Silent Mom Turkey and keep them from harm's way if Henrietta's going? Not entirely sure I follow Sonic's logic, considering Henrietta would suck at fighting robots.
Luckily, there happens to be a really useless member on their team; Tails! Since Tails barely had any lines of dialogue and didn't do a single thing worthwhile in this entire episode, he of course has to stay. I should be feeling bad that Sonic is choosing a useless love interest over his best pal to help with the climax of this episode, but let's be honest. Tails has contributed NOTHING to this episode.
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| It's really sad when the one-dimensional female lead has more use to the plot than you do. |
So we find ourselves watching Scratch lead the way to Lardass's fortress. He wonders out loud why he knows so much about Dr. Robotnik, and Sonic responses by hoping that Scratch doesn't switch back to his evil self soon. Why is Sonic worried? He could thrash Scratch in his sleep if he wanted to.
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| "Lousy DIC, giving all the plot focus on Scratch in my own show..." |
They finally find the fortress and oh geez, I
love the perspective they use for this establishing shot. I'm just glad Robotnik didn't make his own statue anatomically correct or else this would be a pretty obscene scene.
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| "Superfat! Awaaaaay!" |
Scratch tells them to tiptoe, but that does absolutely nothing since Robotnik has security cameras anyways. Way to not remember that part,
Edgar Eagle. The tub of hateful lard then calls upon the might of his remaining Sonic-catching minion, Grounder. Grounder's pretty confident with himself that his plan will work, so I imagine this must be something big, right?
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| "Aw yeah, baby. I love it when you talk dirty." |
So, what's Grounder's ingenius plan? A vending machine filled with chili dogs attached to a rocket. Is it me or is the idea of a
chili dog vending machine kind of gross? Meat doesn't keep the way bags of chips or soda do, and even if the chili dogs were fresh, they'd have to tumble down the chute, splattering everything with molten hot chili. Think of the mess.
Also we learn that the grey parts of Scratch's body are really clothes, because he pulls money out of a pocket during this scene. But I'm sure Henrietta knew that.
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| Wait, is one of those chili dogs covered in pink frosting? |
This chili dog vending machine rocket inconveniences our heroes for about two seconds, because all Sonic has to do is grab their hands and jump off. So much for "they'll never know what hit them", Grounder.
Oh, and guess where the rocket lands. I'll give you a hint; Grounder wonders if there's an eclipse.
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| "I should've expected this." |
After Grounder gets his share of physical punishment thanks to the divine blessing known as cartoon violence, Scratch needs a distraction. Luckily, Sonic has the gift of unexplained quick costume changes and he decides to play doctor with Robotnik, which incapacitates him long enough for them to sneak into his lab.
By the way, I can't help but wonder if Scratch, even in his amnesia, saw Sonic disguise himself in some occupational state of dress and went "
Hey wait a minute..."
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| >8( |
With that scene over, Scratch tells Sonic that the remote control is in Robotnik's lab coat pocket even though Robotnik's
never worn a lab coat in this entire episode and the lab coat looks way too small for his enormous gut. But hey, I can't be one to judge, since I too like to keep important devices that will no doubt lead to my untimely demise in articles of clothing 20 sizes too small for me.
However, it would be kind of a weak ending for this episode if Sonic just pressed the buttons to send the robots in reverse and everyone went home, so it turns out Robotnik had somehow miraculously escaped his bonds and now has Grounder helping him. It doesn't take an Einstein to guess what happens next, not with Henrietta needing to fill her role as damsel in distress.
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| Funny thing is, this situation would not change at all if Sonic had brought Tails along instead. |
However, Scratch doesn't like the fact that Robotnik is targeting his dame so he does the single most heroic thing in this episode and possibly the entire series; he attacks Robotnik in a blind rage, which allows Sonic to free Henrietta. At the risk of sounding sappy, it's kind of cute seeing how far Scratch would go in the name of love. Especially considering Henrietta's oddly enough the most bearable love interest in this show. Think the turkey's annoying? Wait until you see Breezie.
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| "You're standing in the way of me getting laid tonight, Robotnik!" |
But this moment can't last, since the status quo is not yet completely restored. As you can imagine, Scratch can't think he's Edgar Eagle for the rest of the series, so
of course Robotnik sends him flying into a wall, which
of course cures his amnesia. If only concussions were this simple in real life.
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| "Aww, come on, guys. I had a wedding ring picked out for her and everything." |
Scratch clues Sonic in on the fact that he's evil again by calling Robotnik "master", even though Scratch never calls Pigskin McFatgut that in the actual series. Sonic then actually said something that made me laugh, instead of want to curl up in a corner and die like the rest of his dialogue. He sets the robots in reverse, throws the remote down on the ground, and quickly says "Whoops, guess it broke!".
Still not terribly funny, but imagine hearing a character utter "slo-mo" and "nogoodnik" in every other line of dialogue. You'd be starving for some half-decent lines too.
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| Way to not build your important plot devices out of indestructible material, Robotnik. |
With the robots set on a death course towards Robotnik's fortress, Evilfat VonBlubber only has a few moments left to live. He decides to spend these final moments attacking Scratch. While he's ripping Scratch limb from limb with his bare hands, the robots then horribly destroy his home and all of his cherished possessions, with him and the closest thing he has to children trapped in the same building.
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| "Does THIS look unsure to you, Grounder?" |
We cut back to the farm, and once again Farmer Peck has to describe absolutely everything that's happened. I guess he has a verbal tic, and that verbal tic happens to be sentence after sentence of unneeded exposition. His dialogue is something like "Oh boy, everything's back to normal!" while his silent, unthinking wife sits next to him, never saying a word and her eyes glassy and glazed over.
Oh, and Tails says that Robotnik's fortress is now a big hole in the ground. Considering the negative continuity of this show, it's reasonable to assume that in this episode, Scratch, Grounder, and Robotnik all died a horrible death and their last thoughts in this world were of hatred, fear, and revenge. I hope Sonic sleeps with a proton pack, because he is
so getting haunted.
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| "I see you're wondering about the Missus. She died two years ago and I had her stuffed." |
However, not everyone is happy. Henrietta is deeply distressed that the father of her unborn cyborg child was secretly a criminal. She didn't even seem to mind that he was a robot so much that he was working for Robotnik. Either way, she's in glum town and Sonic has to do something about it or otherwise he's going to look like such an asshole for the whole "Yeah, I kind of knew your boyfriend is evil but I didn't say anything because I needed to exploit him" thing he did.
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Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise... |
But then, inexplicable plot point! It turns out Sonic hired Edgar Eagle himself to come out and meet Henrietta because apparently she's a big fan of him, even though the only things she knows about Edgar Eagle are the lies Scratch told her. I know this is supposed to set Edgar up as Henrietta's new boyfriend, but yeah, he's kind of a big celebrity. Not gonna happen. He's only doing this for the good publicity and so those journalists forget about the time he passed out drunk onstage during the Emmys.
Also Sonic, you do realize that eagles see turkeys not as love interests, but as dinners, right?
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| "Mmmm, what firm, tender wings you have. Would you mind rolling in these breadcrumbs for me?" |
Right after Edgar Eagle walks off with his supper, Sonic decides to take a big steaming dump on the fourth wall by saying that he wants his own TV show like Edgar Eagle, and they'd call it Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Ohohoho, that wisecracker!
 |
And three days later, Edgar Eagle was arrested for violently assaulting a cop after he was pulled
over for driving under the influence and Henrietta got back together with Scratch. |
I kind of wish I learned something this episode, though. Quick, I need a Sonic Says!
Aww yeah, there we go. I could use my daily hamfisted lesson crammed down my throat just so the soccer moms won't get mad at the station and cancel all of my cartoons.
Compared to the last Sonic Says I covered, this one is really weak. It's about seat belts. Why? Because there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it line about seat belts in the episode when Sonic pulls Scratch over.
Basically Edgar Eagle and Scratch have a race, but Scratch was disqualified because he wasn't wearing a seat belt. I know this show was trying to teach the lesson that everyone should wear their seat belts, but come on. Scratch is
a robot. He's survived countless explosions and crashes, and decapitation and limb removal only inconveniences him for a short period of time. Why the hell does he need to buckle up if he can walk away from a helicopter crash unharmed?
Also, I don't care if they're wearing seat belts. They're also flying helicopters without any protective windshields and without the proper licenses. This lesson sucks and the person giving it is, once again, hypocritical.
