Felix the Cat: The Movie - Part 3

Part 1.
Part 2.

Time to revisit this movie again. I don't like leaving things unfinished, especially if they're nonsensical blog posts where I, someone who's over 20, decide to watch a film about talking cats and try to invoke some form of deep commentary on it.

That, and it's just too easy to point and laugh at the fact that the movie makers thought that any of these plot developments were a good idea. I mean, sure, I guess you can give them points for creativity by having the princess rescue plot take place in a circus filled with tap-dancing mice hybrids, a giant spacelizard who honestly outstages the actual villain, and radioactive interdimensional mud mutants, but yeah, so far my opinion on this movie is that it's crazy but poorly animated movie that would have some great ideas if it wasn't attached to a brand name that it's not doing any justice to.

And it's only going to get crazier and even more badly animated from here on out. The good news is that I have only one or two more parts to do of this movie, but the bad news is that I'm getting to the parts where the movie starts to lose momentum and, if possible, get even worse. I have to wonder if this movie was on a tight "don't spend ANY money at all!" budget once we leave the circus portion because it really shows. The animation starts to drop in quality (even more than before), the plot starts to fall apart onscreen, characters stop being characters and just meander on the screen just to exist, and well...okay, perhaps I'm giving too much away.

This part of the movie, unlike the previous part I just did, actually has the princess and the Duke of Zill. And you'll see why this is a bad thing once we dive into the glittery, badly-animated mushiness that is...

Felix the Cat: The Movie Part 3!

The last time I talked about Felix the Cat, he was forced into slavery by an overweight dinosaur monster named Wack Lizardi (whose last name implies he was probably once some Italian businessmen from our world until he fell into a Dimensporter and mutated from the radiation) and the squeaky falsetto-talking cat rose into fame once his circus performances became a hit with the swampdemons that regularly visit the Progress City Fan-A-Tic Circus. Felix told stand-up comedy, sat on the sidelines while mice/lizard mutants tap-danced for waaaay too long, and just overall twiddled his thumbs and frittered around when he could be saving Oriana.

Overall, Part 2 was basically the movie taking its time to get to the damn point. It's like it knew the main villain and the main heroine were terrible so it thought that by entertaining the poor, suffering audience with a bad guy that actually has some personality and a human whose animation isn't completely abysmal (Pim's animation is merely bad, instead of pastelike horribleness like Grumper and the Princess), we'd temporarily forget the Duke of Zill and Princess Rotoscope ever existed.

But alas, such things were not meant to be, because I'm going to start Part 3 with the most remembered part of the movie, the Princess dance. Chances are, if you've seen this on the Disney channel in the early 90's, you know what I'm talking about.

At least now the Princess can journey through Hydrocity Zone safely.

Back in Part 1, I noted that this movie was supposed to have a soundtrack released with the full versions of the songs. Since that never happened, the shortened, background noise-filled samples are the only version of the songs available. I mention this again because this is by far the song that suffers the most from this, because the movie decided that the best way to showcase the most important part of their soundtrack was to suddenly cut it off midway, drown out the opening with Wack talking, and just otherwise crap all over their only good song. In contrast, the Mizzards got three minutes of their act. Why is their act more important than the Princess?

Also, that crown makes it look like she has chest hair.

I'm not going to talk too much about Oriana's bubble dance since it's all rotoscoped anyways, but what sucks is that we barely get a minute of this quite lovely song (called Face to the Wind for those curious) before we cut to Oriana's kingdom and find out what all those bland, poorly-animated characters from the intro are up to. Thanks, movie. I was on the edge of my seat in anticipation wondering what Pearl was doing!

Course, the movie assumes the audience has the short-term memory of a Pixar fish because they have to leave a very blatant note on the establishing Oriana shot to let us know that we, the audience, are in fact looking at the Kingdom of Oriana again.

No, really? I thought we were checking in on The Professor and Poindexter with this background shot.

We find out that Pearl (you know, that crazy card woman no one cares about) is in a bird cage and is forced to watch her princess dance in front of repulsive slime-suckers. Interesting way to punish an aging, possibly senile woman for merely being in the same room as the Princess when she was captured. Her situation kind of amuses me though, if only because it makes me picture the Duke of Zill lining the bottom of it with newspaper.

"Wow, these MTV music videos get worse every year."

Oh, and Grumper is a villain. Gee, I guess people who dress in all black and have squinty eyes can't be heroes. I can't bring myself to hate Grumper though, since a lot of his dialogue plays him out to be the straight man trapped in a world of insanity. He hasn't had that many scenes, but so far he's pointed out that getting rid of the surplus in your economy is stupid, he's called Oriana out for disbanding the army, and now he wonders why the hell they're watching the Princess dance like a cheap floozy in a swamp circus when they can overhaul the government and improve the quality of life for their subjects.

In a way, Grumper's like the tragic Shakespearean hero of this movie, because he seeks to change what is corrupt but in the end, nothing is for the better and he ends up facing the guillotine for speaking out against a fraudulent monarchy. I just wish his animation wasn't so mushy, he had more lines of dialogue, and he had a better design.

50 years later, long after the Oriana government had crumbled under a violent peasant revolution,
Grumper's essays gained a new audience and he became hailed as a martyr.

The Duke, who for the first time appears in an actual scene instead of just in flashbacks or projections, responds to this by calling the person smarter than him a "scugnit prollifister" and a "numb-krut" (such language, Duke!) and saying that watching his little niece dance suggestively in a circus gets better aaaaaall the tiiiime! Basically this scene sets up two things; that The Duke of Zill likes to make up really stupid words on the spot and that he's got some major incestual issues that he really needs to sort out with a trained therapist. And people wonder why I prefer the ugly-looking space lizard to him.

"You want to do WHAT to her? My god, man, she's your niece!"

When it cuts back to the circus, the establishing shot is actually from a later scene in the film. I only managed to catch this because I've seen this film so many times it should be illegal, but note the bubbles, which are mysteriously stationary in this shot. These will be important later. Goes to show you that you really can cut corners everywhere in an animated film.

The world's first watermelon-flavored circus!

After the Princess is done appealing to her Uncle's twisted fetishes, she and Felix finally meet, and it actually doesn't go as smoothly as you'd expect. While Princess Oriana is wallowing in Dignified Princess Angst and talking in her head (or to herself; the animation's so bad it could really be either way), Felix approaches her and says that he has a plan for them to escape. Instead of being grateful that someone in this wretched hive of the condemned is showing her a little respect and kindness, she just totally blows him off and rudely walks away.

...why do I want Felix the Cat to save her again, movie?

"I'm lost. What does this movie have to do with the Felix the Cat brand name again?"

After Felix is spurned by the rude little tart, we see Pim and his turd-covered hat again. Swinging on a trapeze rope, a dangerous act considering how mentally unsound he is, Pim engages in some exposition to try to explain to both Felix and the audience just what the hell is going on. It doesn't work, but it turns out escaping the circus is futile because there's nowhere to go except through The Impasse back to Oriana, and no one's ever done that before. Oooo, mysterious. Of course, the moment someone says "no one's ever done that before" in an animated film, the hero is going to do that impossible thing and succeed.

My, it sure is pink in here.

Oh, and apparently the cat pities Pim or something, despite the fact that Pim is the reason why he's locked up here in the first place, because Felix asks for Beardy McSenile to come with him when he escapes. Felix even says that between the two of them, they can make it through The Impasse! Yeah, because nothing succeeds more at impossible odds than an aging redneck and a big-mouthed feline with a shapeshifting bag that can barely work half the time!

Also, Felix sure is confident for someone who couldn't even deal with the Turbles and only managed to escape that manta ray/shark monster earlier just from sheer chance. Not too confident on Felix's chances of survival here. 

"I never passed the third grade and even I think you're dumb."

Before Pim can give an answer, Wack Lizardi decides to grace us with his delightful presence. He...doesn't really do much of anything in this scene really, besides be nice to Felix in his own weird sarcastic way and tell Pim that they need to talk about those strange stains he's been leaving in the company bathroom. What makes this scene really weird is that Wack was a lot more pleasant to Felix the Cat than Princess Oriana was, and it's really sad when the main villain's assistant is less of an asshole than the damsel in distress.

"I'm sorry the princess was so rude to you. You know how these celebrities are."

After that, we cut to Progress City and, unfortunately, The Professor and Poindexter. Geez, I was hoping they had starved to death in that tree because they never add anything to the plot. Their scenes as they journey through Oriana seem more like an excuse for the writers and the background artists to show off their imaginary world rather than flesh out some dippy characters from the 1950's.

Also, how the hell did Poindexter and The Professor make it so far into Progress City without getting disemboweled by the Cylinders? It's not like The Professor is the stealthiest person alive, what with his creaky joints and his inability to talk in an indoor voice.

This shot in particular must've absorbed like 80% of the budget because it looks surprisingly badass.

Useless Character 1 points out that the buildings are designed to keep smoke in, Useless Character 2 makes a really lame pun, and everything goes as it normally does in their scenes. However, before I can hit the fast-forward button, The Professor violently beats up a drunk in a dirty city alleyway while Poindexter atrociously captures it all on tape.

And then my opinion on The Professor instantly changed.

I picked my eyeballs up off the floor just in time to hear Poindexter make an off-handed comment on how this race goes through rapid evolutions, possibly from the pollution, which means that all of those strange, horrible mutants you see in the circus crowd shots are from the same race. The Professor laughs at this because it's "a race losing the race", but that's rather frightening the more you think about it. So basically these creatures live in the only habitable land for miles, it happens to be under the totalitarian reign of some man who feels delicious whenever he watches his niece dance for his amusement, and to top it all off, the pollution is so bad that their bodies are going through heavy physical mutations every day. This was meant to be a kid's film? 

Also the camera focuses on that pink alien drunk (my guess for species is pig/kangaroo/gazelle) for way too long. Okay, movie, I see how it is. You can spare all the time in the world to a random bum drinking himself into a stupor and yet you severely cut off Face to the Wind. How is this fair?

Pictured: A self-portrait of this movie's animators.

Back at the circus, Felix is sleeping. You might think this is an act of mercy from the movie makers, since a sleeping Felix is a quiet Felix, until the tap-dancing Mizzards walk on-screen. So basically we traded one annoyance for another. Yippee.

After they try and fail to steal a large hunk of cheese that wondrously materialized in Felix's room just for this scene (Was that cheese meant for Felix? Why are there fancy deli cheese platters in a circus?), Felix catches them and introduces himself to them, hoping to distract them while he digs for his Tabasco bottle and salt shaker.

And after he seasons them, he tosses them around in the air a couple times before finally biting down.

This is when we finally hear these two characters talk even though they've been in quite a few scenes already in this movie, and apparently the filmmakers tried to subvert gender stereotypes by having the masculine voice come out of the pink Mizzard and the feminine voice come out of the blue one. This would be clever except, thanks to the magic of coloring errors, the little mutants switch voices a lot. Just don't make a drinking game out of it, because I promise you'll be dead before the movie ends.

So Wack can't afford mattresses and yet he can afford fancy, imported cheeses?

So anyways, it's a good thing Felix made friends with the Lice Mizzards, because it turns out that they like to travel between the prison cells by eating through the solid steel walls. What the hell, movie? That's not whimsical; that's frightening! They make a lame excuse that they can't leave because the outside walls are made of a material they can't chew through, but that doesn't subtract from the sheer unadulterated horror that comes from watching vermin nonchalantly tunnel through a structure that we humans would need a welding torch or some explosives to make a hole through.

Just so we're clear, Progress City has half-lizard, half-mice hybrids that can eat through steel in their search for food. I have to wonder if this breeding pair has like 500 children, all of them causing millions of dollars in structural damage to various homes throughout the city. Imagine if these creatures thought that hospital equipment, a bank vault, or a power generator had food inside. Imagine what their teeth can do to you if you cornered one in your apartment and it tried to fight back.

Yeah, I don't care if they can talk or dance around, if I see one in my house, I'm breaking out
the poison and traps.

Okay, I'm getting off-topic (although I'm still shuddering from the thought of a Mizzard infestation) and we need Felix to be out of his room anyways. The annoying cat and his two annoying vermin friends pass through several cells, each one containing other circus workers that only exist for sight gags and for Felix to crack one-liners about. Don't get too attached to them, because we will never see and hear of these creatures ever again. Remember this later when something happens to the circus that leads to their unseen demise.

I also noticed that the circus workers are ordinary animals but the Progress City residents are deformed
aberrations. I guess some plot point got cut midway through production.

Finally, the Princess's cell, which I immediately noticed is a lot more furnished and decorated than the other cells. Compare her room to the previous room with the three animal actors. She's got a bookcase and everything in there when the other performers sleep on flat, wooden benches. I see someone's sleeping with the ringmaster.

Also, eww, what did I just imply?

"Come on, Cinderelly! We gotta make your dress in time for the ball!"

Felix and the Mizzards wake her up, and we get a really shocking, cruel scene from Princess Oriana. Want to know why I don't care one bit what happens to this wench? Well, first she shows us just how kind and loving she is by shouting at them to get out. Think this gets any better when Felix says he's planning an escape? Noooo, instead she insists that Felix is joking and only there to torment her. Unless Wack has been pulling some really strange pranks off-screen, I don't understand how she can continue thinking this way. 

Okay, maybe she'll be nicer when Felix describes a magic tear and that he's from another dimension, then? Still no, because when that happens, she shouts "You're the dark stranger?" like she can't believe it and laughs in Felix's face. I guess Felix is just a sucker for a Rotoscoped face, because I'm sure otherwise he would've just let her ungrateful ass rot in that cell. I know I would.

Oh, everything has to be about you, bland monotone-faced princess.

Despite the fact that Princess Oriana has been nothing but a rude asshole to Felix in this entire movie, the cat explains the situation while the lip-syncing animation takes a serious nosedive and the Mizzards annoyingly kick the side of the bed with their feet in a movement that looks unnatural. It's hard to describe how bad this scene in particular is with only stills, but let's just say that instead of shaping Felix's mouth so that he pronounces different sounds, the animators decided to cycle through the same three mouth shapes and pace it in time to Felix's words.

The animation in this movie slowly gets worse and worse as time goes on, unfortunately.

Felix asks Princess Rudeass how she got here and what happened to her country, which is his way of saying "Okay, movie, no one's buying this. Make with the backstory." Oriana agrees, probably because the only thing she's good at is whining about how horrible everything is to her and now she gets a chance to go on for minutes about just herself.

We then cut to the outside, and although there's clearly sneaking footsteps sounds on the audio, it just shows a blank background with no character animation to accompany the sound effects. Whoops. This is why we hire editors, movie!

So, did Wack always have these pod-shaped rooms or were they given to him from
the Duke once he started housing prisoners?

We then see that the invisible sneaker is Pim, as he magically teleports into the next shot. Just in case you're not thoroughly creeped out by this sleazy circus setting, a flea-infested old man sneaked by the Princess's room, opened the door, and is standing there, listening in on her private conversation.

Supposedly this is going to influence Pim turning good, hearing the Princess cry and moan about how hard it is being a princess with her glistening golden hair and pristine white skin, but they could've approached this in a way that was a lot less creepy and stalkerish. I'm guessing this is the reason why Wack wanted to talk to Pim earlier. I bet that rhino tightrope walker from earlier complained about the heavy breathing she's been hearing near her room.

"Since she's busy, I can sneak right in there and steal some of her mighty purdy undergarments."

Since the movie realized that it needs some explaining to do, so we find out that Princess Oriana conveniently has a book on her kingdom's history in her room. I guess she bugged Wack Lizardi for it in case a protagonist stopped by her room and needed some heavy exposition.

Unfortunately, this movie has the worst kind of backstory; the kind that, instead of answering questions, just creates new ones. Every single chapter in her book just further confuses me so I have no choice but to go over almost every single sepia photograph this thing has. Now you, the reader, know exactly what Felix is experiencing, only there isn't any metal-munching vermin sitting next to you wasting oxygen.

"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me but I can't help it that I'm so popular."

First, we learn that when her father was still alive, they had a small army, mostly used for ceremonial purposes since they abandoned their warrior ancestry. This alone made me want to ask questions. First of all, why does this movie seem to be under the impression that, if you have an army, you're automatically war-like? Armies can also be used for defensive purposes like, oh I don't know, protecting your people from a crazed madman with an army of robots. Also, why does the war picture have a jester? Did Oriana fight with jesters? Doesn't sound very effective.

Also it's really sad that Princess Oriana looks a lot better in the sepia photograph than she does animated. I probably helps that she looks better in that outfit than whatever the hell she's wearing to bed.

"I know you wanted a pony for your birthday, sweetie, but I
got you the next best thing. A dwarf street performer!"

Next, we learn that the Duke was originally Dr. Wiley's younger, more attractive brother and he was incredibly dissatisfied with the way his other brother, King No-Name-Given, was running Oriana. The Princess never really goes into detail as to why the Duke was unhappy with the government, because politics are boring and make her head hurt. In her mind, when her father was king, unicorns floated down from the sky and farted ice cream cones until the Duke made everything full of prickly wicklies.

Also, it's a bad sign that I would've vastly preferred this look to what we got with the Duke of Zill. It's not completely over-the-top in menace, and I bet I would take the Duke of Zill more seriously if he looked like a grizzled old scientist instead of Mysterio's brother from San Francisco.

"I hope that when I become an evil dictator, I can wear a giant helmet that looks like an iron butt."

We learn that the cylinders were supposed to revolutionize labor (notice, revolutionize labor, NOT make an army) and that Grumper, if anything, was even more repulsive-looking when he was younger. I feel bad for this guy, I really do. It's like the animators figured that by making Grumper looking like a giant talking pimple, we'd instantly be on Team Princess. Yeah, didn't work.

So wait, Grumper and the Duke were once scientists? Why wasn't any of that in the movie? Did Grumper decide to stop being a scientist and go into politics out of respect for his friend? Is Grumper even related to the Duke or is he just a friend? I think Princess Oriana needs to slow down her storytelling because so far she's introduced like 50 million dangling plot threads and maybe solved like one and a half.

I bet he was popular with the ladies.

We quickly learn that while the Duke (we never learn his real name, that's how much the movie gives a crap about this character) was working on his Cylinder project, the prototype exploded and horribly disfigured him. Okay, typical cartoon scientist reason. I'll buy it. But I just have one beef. Why didn't Grumper get disfigured in the explosion too? He was standing right next to him but he miraculously escaped the detonation totally unscathed!

Grumper was shielded from harm by The Power of Ugly.

Anyways, after a Cylinder explodes in his face, instead of building cybernetic parts that will maintain a level of grace and dignity, he decides that he wants to fight Spider-Man. I also noticed that his normal, non-Mysterio self had a normal build while the Duke of Zill has giant metal abs, which could only mean the poor guy is doing some major compensating for something.

Also, the accident destroyed his sense of subtlety because the next sepia picture has him posing with what looks to be a sash made out of bullets. Okay, Duke, we get it. You love war and possibly eating puppies. Did you have to make it so screaming obvious?

He's missing his "I <3 Death" shirt and the foam novelty hat shaped like a military tank.

But then the Princess skips around and says that The King (not Elvis) apparently entrusted Princess Oriana with the royal secrets, like time and dimension travel. Okay, stop. Princess Oriana, are you honestly saying that your kingdom knows how to travel through TIME and this is somehow not at all important? My god, she's sitting on amazing technology and is just letting it collect dust. Now I understand why the Duke was so upset. I'm upset knowing that there's a magical kingdom with a Dimensporter and they just let it gather cobwebs in an abandoned mine.

And when she continues, it shows The King pointing to the Dimensporter and honestly looking like he's dying right then and there. How DID The King die anyways? Why does Princess Oriana look so calm and nonchalant while her dad is in a wheelchair perishing right at her feet? And why does the king look like he's the only one that aged?

"Yeah, uh huh, sure thing daddy, you're dying. Gotcha. Can we go to the mall now?"

While she talks, she decides to drop the name of this movie's MacGuffin. Apparently Princess Oriana knows the location of The Book of Ultimate Power (subtle name) and this is what the Duke of Zill is after. Why? I guess it will make him all-powerful or something, but personally he should stick to just having the most powerful kingdom on the planet under his complete rule instead of over-complicating things.

Hey, uh, movie? If you have a plot point this important, you might want to foreshadow it, or at least mention it a little bit earlier than an hour into the film!

A book within a book? Bookception!

And then the Duke was banished to the Land of Zill through the Impasse because Pim has already stated that no one's ever made it through the Impasse save for the Duke. Not sure what exactly made this man so special when really, without his cylinders, he's basically just a physically scarred human being. And to top this off, Princess Oriana never tells us what caused The King to be banished to the Land of Zill in the first place or how long the Duke stuck around at Oriana after being disfigured, probably because she slept through that portion of History class.

I love how he refuses to let go of his silly-looking crown scepter even when stomping
through muddy wastelands.

The creatures in the Land of Zill saw the Duke as a god (or at least I THINK they did, the special effects really drown out the animation in this scene), and he used them as cheap labor when they thought he was there to help them. That's...kind of dark for a Felix the Cat cartoon.

I will admit, this movie is the first movie I've seen where a peaceful, if slightly repulsive and stupid race was conquered by an evil overlord and the magical princess/damsel in distress just does not give a crap. It's rather hypocritical that she whines about her poor country when the Land of Zill is under even worse subjugation and she's not going to do anything about it. At least your kingdom has indoor plumbing and decent air quality, princess.

There needs to be more rain special effects! I can still make out some figures!

So the enslaved creatures are treated like crap and are forced to build the cylinders and cubes for the Duke's army. The Duke then led the geometric, kind of generic-looking robots through the Impasse, and he's captured the Kingdom of Oriana and the princess just as the king feared. You know what could've stopped this tragedy from happening, Princess? An army. You know, that thing you completely disbanded.

LENS FLARE!

Oh, and after this story is over, the movie decides to completely force a relationship between Princess Oriana and Felix. Felix mentions randomly that the circus doesn't have hot dogs with sauerkraut in Progress City, probably not realizing that a hot dog in the Land of Zill just raise too many questions as to what it's made of, and then the Princess decides to give the animal she was yelling and laughing in its face a kiss on the forehead. I guess the Princess is into bestiality.

There's some faint love song in the background, hearts materialize out of thin air, but no, movie, I'm not buying it. I feel dirty all over for saying this, but Wack Lizardi had more chemistry with Felix than the Princess does. Felix may be annoying but even he's too good for Princess Oriana.

"Oh my god, I'm tripping balls!"

Felix enters his cell in a horny daze and finds that Pim is there waiting for him, possibly because he wants to know how to get some of that sugar himself. And, even though Pim was nice to him earlier and Felix wanted him to escape with him, Felix is immediately confrontational and rude to his elder. Geez, one kiss and already the Princess's attitude is rubbing off on our hero.

That, or Pim wasn't so stealthy as he thought he was and Felix knew all about the creepy little midget spying on them with one hand jammed down his pants.

"Yeah, don't go acting all friendly to me after shoving me into that carnivorous plant. I
hope you catch a swamp disease and die!"

In a move that should surprise absolutely no one, the bearded old miner/prospector/whatever he is wants to escape too, because apparently he's sick of Wack Lizardi treating him badly. You know, even though Pim's given us no sign that he should join their team and quit his life of crime other than the fact that his character design is soft and friendly like a good guy. What if Wack or Grumper wanted to reform, huh? What then, Felix?

What's funny is that the grizzled little idiot doesn't actually give an example of how bad Wack is treating him and sounds more like he's complaining that his boss is giving him chores and telling him what to do. That's kind of what you're supposed to do on a job, Pim. You're basically doing what every teenager working at McDonald's ends up doing, only you're whining about it to a giant talking cat instead of on a Tumblr or Livejournal account.

Felix isn't even paying attention. He's too busy thinking about how many ways he can bone the princess.

Pim wants Felix to put in a good word about him to the Princess, and Felix reassures the senile crusty old man by saying "She's a wonderful person!". I'm sorry to emulate the princess, but Ahahahahaaaa! Felix, that's the best joke you've told this entire movie! A kiss and a compliment doesn't excuse the fact that she's been treating everybody like crap, let Progress City and all of its inhabitants suffer tyrannical leadership from her uncle that her family banished instead of reaching a diplomatic course of action, won't use her time and dimensional travel to better the society she's ruling under, and let her own people fall to ruin.

In other words, Princess Oriana sucks and you suck for supporting her, Felix.

But then again, a cat and a senior citizen from a swamp aren't too bothered by politics.

After all of that pro-Princess propaganda the writers shoved down our throats, The Professor and Poindexter make another appearance. And I hate to say it, but even though I've criticized these two plenty of times, I actually kind of like this scene. Why? Because these characters were actually resourceful and made some disguises in order to travel through the mutated ranks of Progress City without being detected, showing some nice premeditation on their part. It's certainly better than, say, one of them trusting a random stranger until he shoves them into a plant and enslaves them in a circus, unlike a certain cat starring in this film.

Plus their costumes are adorable. The Professor is disguised as a giant space pig, and Poindexter is cosplaying as Wack's living whip pet. Not sure how they were able to make those costumes, but I guess one could assume that Poindexter invented an Attire Ray in his spare time, considering how deux ex machina-ish his machines can be.

What Jim Henson sees whenever he drops acid.

They make it to the front of the line, all while the movie wastes time exhibiting different crazy monster designs, and the strangely normal-looking monster at the box office isn't at all disturbed that the purple lizard in front of her is talking through a second face hiding underneath the dead-eyed, normal visage.

"Sir, no outside food is allowed in the circus."

We see then just how the customers enter the circus. After paying (and their currency is whatever scraps they can find, showing off just how destitute Progress City is), they fall through a trap door and are unceremoniously shot out of these large pipes and into the seats they just paid for. There's a lot of sight gags involving this trip, but basically it boils down to one thing; Progress City has no safety regulations, so even something as simple as finding a seat in a public place is hazardous and could potentially kill you.

Ha ha, it's funny because these creatures could be living in a lot more sanitary conditions, but thanks to their merciless dictator, their life spans are severely shortened! Silly Zillians; no one cares about you because you look different from us.

Wack must have some powerful lawyers in order to avoid all those lawsuits.

Yeah, that's all fine and dandy, knowing about how Progress City is run, but what about Felix and the Princess? Will we see these two perform?

Well, no, because here is where I'm stopping Part 3. Think Part 3 was strange? Part 4 is where the animators pull out all the stops and show us, the viewers, just how many lows they can sink and just how badly they can animate the rest of the movie.

See you in Part 4, which will have the ending of both this movie and my feeling of self-worth.

Looks like The Book of Ultimate Power contains Part 4!