I covered Part 1, so here's Part 2 of this wonderfully insane film known as Felix the Cat: the Movie. So far we've run into magic talking bodily secretions squirted out princessy tear ducts, fish with boobs, friendly swamp-traveling miners that like to talk about intelligent bubbles, and a kingdom that is just totally okay with their ruler disbanding the entire army. Will Part 2 be just as acid-tripping crazy as the first part?
The answer to that question is "Definitely yes", because we're heading into my favorite part. This part has a little bit of everything and is arguably the one part where the script writers temporarily got out of their drunken stupors and wrote something that makes some lick of sense.
Unfortunately, in Felix the Cat: The Movie's universe, the part where the movie starts to make sense is when Felix the Cat has to entertain a giant space lizard's circus while he shares a dorm room with some mice/lizard hybrids and gives stand-up comedy to aliens. This bears repeating. The part where the movie makes sense is at a giant space lizard's circus. It's not too late to bail.
But if you choose to stick around, it's time for...
Felix the Cat: The Movie Part 2!
So when we last left Felix the Cat and his magic bag of tricks, he had ended up in the Kingdom of Oriana, a strange, mystical world full of talking fish with lots of eyeballs and senile old prospectors that live in mud holes filled with carnivorous bubble plants. He was betrayed by said senile prospector because he shoved him in a bubble that quickly ate Felix. And this is where people who, if they haven't read Part 2, should be wondering "Wait, huh? What? WHAT?". Sorry guys, this feeling will never leave even if you did see the first part. It's one of those movies.
Right after that...whatever I just described happened to Felix, the movie answers the question that no one bothered to ask; whatever happened to The Professor and Poindexter anyways? Well, it turns out that they're in the Anairo Gold Mine now too. Never does the movie tell us how they managed to get down that giant mine shaft without The Professor shattering his replacement hip.
|Not sure why Poindexter brought an ultrasound machine but who am I to judge?|
|"Ooh, I must have that bag, I must have that-"|
"Uh, Uncle, did you forget to take your medicine again?"
|"We're through the looking glass here, people."|
|Speak slower, Poindexter. The Professor forgot his hearing aid.|
|Okay, this thing is pretty cool. Admit it.|
Now that the sort of pointless characters had their pointless scene, we enter Progress City. And I hate to say it, but Progress City has some pretty amazing designs. This could be very well one of the coolest looking hellholes I've ever seen and one of the coolest looking evil circuses too. Admittingly, We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story and Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night beat it in the evil circus department, but it's still pretty sweet.
|Progress City Fana-A-Tic Circus? Huh?|
In short, Progress City belongs in a different movie but man is it strangely awesome and you look at this place wanting to learn more about it.
But even these settings can't prepare you for what comes next, because after Felix the Cat gets thrown into a cell, we meet the ringmaster of the circus and the real villain of this movie. I'd like you to meet Wack Lizardi. He will be filling this cartoon with win for the next thirty minutes or so.
|"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"|
And to top this crazy sundae with an insane cherry, his circus whip doubles as a pet because it's actually alive. This is the one character (characters if the stick counts as its own person) from this movie that I wish ended up in other Felix the Cat installments, especially the ones with more of a budget. He would've been great in Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat.
|Also, Wack's circus whip is a little on the derpy side.|
|Sweet merciful god, what happened to Pim's face!?|
"What in Zill have you got to be excited about? Did someone invent enlarging pills?"
Poor Wack doesn't know that, in this day and age, someone did invent enlarging pills. Problem is, they don't do what Wack thinks they do and they're really not something you should suggest Pim take. Think of his heart condition.
|Or Wack does know about Viagra and is taunting Pim's sexual inadequacy.|
Either way he's being a jerk.
Unfortunately, there's a pretty big problem; you can obviously tell that there are different animators handling this one scene because Wack will change in style depending on the shot. After a while I end up subconsciously playing a game of "Watch Wack's eye shape and wrinkle definition change" when I should be concentrating on the plot.
|"Why the hell did I hire you again?"|
|Pictured: Someone who was more competent in figuring out the Magic Bag|
than The Professor. That's just depressing.
There's some fun back-and-forthing between prospector and giant sentient space lizard, but Wack is firm with his decision, concluding with this line "Okay, so you're old, you don't know what you're doing, and this is an insult!" Ouch.
|Wack; telling it like it is since 1988.|
|I have to wonder how those Cylinders don't set everything on fire in this place.|
|He debating whether he should just give up and eat Pim instead.|
|Pictured: An accurate representation of Disneyland's Jungle Cruise ride.|
|My money's on the "laziness", personally.|
|His big brother starred in Quest for Camelot.|
|Hahaha, it's funny because an old man hurt himself pursuing an impossible dream!|
|Wack is probably wondering why the hell everyone always goes for his throat.|
|"You better believe I'm more awesome than you, Felix."|
|Whoa, dude, does he have a collection of whips just hanging on his wall there?|
|Why are all the old people in this film so infirm?|
But then, Felix hears something and decides to check it out. We find out that Felix's room is infested with circus performers. What kind of circus performers? Delicious ones, that's what!
|The Wuzzles try make it on Broadway.|
|And then Felix spits out their half-chewed remains on Wack Lizardi's doorstep.|
|"Remember folks, it's a two drink minimum!"|
|Try as I might, I can't look away from Wack's weirdly shaped hair.|
|"Have your fun, as long as I LET you have fun!"|
|Oriana; the universe's greatest source of radioactive materials.|
|Oriana's reaction to the box office returns for this movie.|
|The Felix the Cat version of a Family Guy cutaway gag.|
|"Mwahaha, my plan to lure the audience into a boredom-induced slumber is working!"|
|Felix's stare is kind of creeping me out here.|
Felix the Cat is supposed to perform with his bag, but unfortunately they don't toss it to him just yet so he sort of lingers on stage and does what he does worst; telling jokes. Yes, the movie is that cruel to give us nothing but Felix in a microphone giving us puns. Wack Lizardi, you idiot. Do you WANT to lose your customers?
|And then Wack's circus became bankrupt, forcing all the circus workers to live out on the streets.|
Oh, and during the stand-up, Felix honest to god cracks a gay joke by saying "I haven't seen this much fruit salad since I was in California!". Hey, lay off, Felix. It's bad enough our state's funding is down the craphole; we don't need you to make it any worse.
Finally, they toss Felix the Cat his bag and what ensues is yet another entirely pointless scene that goes on for waaaay too long. Seriously, these circus acts could all be cut out and nothing would be lost. Also, a very good question comes up when Felix the Cat performs his magic tricks; why doesn't he use his shapeshifting artifact of mystical, powerful magic to escape? Turn into a jetpack or a rocket jet or something, Felix. It's not like Wack has any real power over you.
|Come on, Felix, turn your bag into a Gundam and blow this hellhole!|
|And knowing Progress City, they just left the body floating in there for several days.|
|He smiles, but inside he knows that he'll never make as much money as Mickey Mouse.|
|He needs his own TV show, pronto.|
I know I sound like I'm on Team Wack here, but its fun to see this character be more friendly and joking in a scene. He's still a sleazeball, he's still the villain, and he's still not animated that well, but he sure feels a lot more two-dimensional than the Duke right now with these little mood changes.
|Come on, he's a carny. You know he's thinking of something dirty.|
|That stick's eyes are staring into my soul...|
Now, you might be asking, why the hell isn't the Duke of Zill showing up more? Whatever happened to Grumper and Pearl? (if you're asking that, then you give way more of a crap than I do) Will The Professor and Poindexter ever have a point in this plot? Why are we focusing so much on a fat lizard's circus? Patience, my gentle readers. This will all be answered soon. And yes, it does seem like an entirely different movie than what we just opened up to.
But at least now you know the correct answer to the question "Who is the boss?".
Turns out the circus's next performance is Part 3!